I slept pretty well last night. I had a couple of boughts of sleeplessness, but it passed. I've come to the conclusion that I don't *hate* my husband. In fact, I never did. He recently told me that I "...don't know the difference between hate and anger." I guess that's because society does have a way of saying that *hate* is a bad, bad thing. I believe that most people, even if they hate you, will not admit it. I guess it's our upbringing. The way we are taught as children that you shouldn't hate people is what most people express, even if they don't truly feel that way.
In my case, we were taught the right thing, but we acted the wrong way. Whenever we were mad at each other, we said, "I hate you." And, so it carried over into adulthood. My husband always *hated* that part of me. I guess I chased him away in that respect. But, I take my blame and I'm moving forward. Husband, if you read this, please know that I don't hate you anymore. There I said it, even if he never reads it, I've documented how I really feel. Good. I feel good!
I took myself out for breakfast this morning, and yes, Wifey, I did not go tubing. Oh well, I remembered when I got up this morning that they only open the gates - so to speak - from Memorial Day Weekend through Labor Day Weekend. So, I missed out. No biggie. I can still go swimming today somewhere. Maybe I will.
Also, I just looked at my posts. I've only posted 65 times, so if anybody wants to help bring up my numbers, please feel free. I'm itching to change forums to Separated.
