Cinders, Everyone has posted wonderful words of comfort to you, but the words that struck a cord w/me are the words of ACJ. She's absolutely right in the fact that he really does want you to hate him because it does take the heat off of him and he can blame you for everything.
When you think about it, the ow has been the one that's been pushing your buttons this summer and your h has been the one defending her and her actions. Cinders, step back just a little bit and you'll see the picture unfolding for you. The ow is gently manipulating the situation...the pictures on the net, having the children call her family by names that should be only for those who are blood related, etc. She's ensuring that you and your h constantly are having rows about things. It's to make you look foolish and selfish. As for your h, well...he's lost in the world of yesterday's youth and can't see what is going on.
Cinders, he's racing the clock for the fountain of youth. He can only play against the clock for so long. He's not as young as he use to be and trust me, it will catch up w/him. I know that this doesn't help you feel any better, but you are the lighthouse in the storm and you've been there all along for your children. Enjoy what you have in your life for now because it is permanent and it's what you've always wanted. What your h is looking for will be gone soon enough and he will have many, many regrets.
The feelings you are experiencing are very normal. We become resentful of the fact that they can walk away, have fun and yes, just drop everything in our laps, but at the end of the the crisis, he will be the one with the regrets and the eyes in a tissue. You will have already experienced all of the sorrow that life has tossed you and you will have found a way to laugh and shine once again. Try not allow his behavior and antics get you down. You really do not want to be walking in his shoes or running around inside of his head right now.....not a good place to be.
I do hope you are feeling better today and have plans for yourself and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
