No Communication...Write a letter?

[seekpeaceofmind]

I think it depends. . . . Most advice will be not to write a letter - or, at least, not to send it. I did write my H a letter after months of silence. I needed to express some of my own thoughts on our M. There were things that I had hoped to deal with in MC that just didn't get explored. Our MC was very brief and very disappointing. The reason I felt my letter was OK is b/c it was about me - basically I apologized for the things that I felt were my responsibility and I made a point of not attacking or blaming him. He has his own issues - but I wasn't dealing with those, I just wanted him to know about my commitment to him/M and my willingness to take responsibility for myself. I needed to know that I had made that effort and I was never going to get a chance to talk it out with him. I didn't want to have regrets hanging over my head. As expected, he never responded in anyway - I know he got the letter b/c I handed it to him, but I told him that he didn't need to answer, I just needed to get some stuff out. Again - I kept it as positive as I could and did not ask him to do anything. I worked on this letter for a long time - started it, set it aside, edited it - and then discussed w/ my C before I gave it to him.

I think if your intent w/ a ltr is to get answers or berate the WAS, then don't do it. If it is to show love and self-awareness, then it probably wouldn't hurt. You can't really be accused of pursuing by sending 1 ltr in 8 mos.

But the no contact order sounds kind of ominous, so that needs to be taken into consideration, too.