I agree with Andy about seeing if W would try some counceling. Right now, it sounds like W is stalemated and doesn't know what direction to go. As Andy observes, counceling could push things in a direction that you may not want them to go, but it will at least be something different, and somewhere toward some resolution.
In my situation, councelling has been wonderful, and W actually initiates it more than I. We've been in couples therapy with 2 different councelors now for almost 2 years (second C was recommended by first one). It hasn't been 2 years each week, but from time to time. We haven't been in a few months, but W wants to go again now, so after an upcoming vacation next week, I suspect we will start up again.
But, it's been very helpful. W seems to get locked in her own head lately. Her latest proclaimation explaining her reluctance to become intimately closer is her "guilt over what she's done...". But to me, the only way she deals with this is by stewing in it, by contemplating it. Stalemate. I'm sure this is something we can work on.
I don't know how to suggest how to get her to go to C. I got my W to go as an alternate to hiring lawyers to "negotiate a settlement". I suggested a divorce mediator, and we found one who was a therapist first, then a mediator. The "mediation" evolved into "couples therapy", with the mediator/councelor referring us to a true couples therapist after we "busted" the divorce, so we could work on the intimacy issues she felt insufficient in dealing with... I don't really recommend this approach, since with the lawyers and mediators involved, we were treading a knife edge line between divorce and reconciling. Happily, we didn't cross over.
