Treese,
So sorry to hear about all this stuff you are going through! What an enormous mess!!

I know nothing about the legal side of this stuff, but I was wondering if you could file for legal separation (as snodderly mentioned) and get the financial protection you need without going to a full-blown filing for D, assuming you don't want to take that step. I would encourage you to consult with your lawyer about this ASAP, and don't forget to take someone with you who you trust, to help you write down and remember everything, because I imagine it will be hard to keep it all straight due to the extreme stress. I know there are other people/resources much more knowledgeable than I about legal stuff; please protect yourself and your children financially.

Hang in there!

Blessings and peace,
Dawn

Me 45/H 47, no kids
Together since 1985; M/1992
Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001
Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues
H left 11/24/08
minimal contact, no legal action
http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1