Navy Wife--The Toughest Job In The Fleet

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

H—

Another deployment. We have been married almost 14 years and this will only be our third full cruise. Not too many Navy couples can say that! I should count my blessings, and I honestly do, but I still always miss you so much when you are away.

I will be spending the next seven months thinking, reflecting, maturing. Now that I am attending church again and have given my life over to God, I see so many areas where I have made mistakes in my life, areas that ultimately affected us and our relationship. The biggest one was having my priorities straight from the beginning. God first, then you, then the kids and then the rest of life. It is the way it is supposed to be and I failed to do so. Now that I have let God in, he is helping me get it right.

There are some things that I sincerely need to apologize for. First, I apologize for not allowing you to be the head of our family. A marriage is a partnership, with you as the head of the house and my supporting you. I usurped your position, taking on responsibilities--like the bills and disciplining the kids—that should have belonged to you. I always used the excuse that it was easier for me to take charge of things because of your career and deployments, when the reality was that I had an overwhelming need to be in control. I was wrong and I hope you can forgive me.

I also apologize for failing to give you me. You deserved more quality time with me, for us, in our marriage. In the beginning, it was oh so easy. But, as our little family grew, I allowed the kids’ needs to take priority over yours. I failed to see that you needed time from me, too, and I ended up neglecting the most important person in my life because of my short-sightedness. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with you, I just always figured things would balance out once the kids got older and you would always be there.

Where do we go from here? I don’t know. I still believe in us, in the love we built our marriage on. That January day, I promised to love you for better or for worse. I pray daily, knowing that this is the for worse and the better is still in our future. Our old marriage is gone. My dream is that we can build a better marriage together, using the foundation from the old one.

Can I ever forgive you? Sweetheart, I already have forgiven you. I only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, too.

H, I love you. I have loved you almost from the moment we met, and I will always love you. Whether you are gone 7 months, a year, forever, I will still be here, remembering the love we shared, raising our children, and maintaining our home.

My heart is so full and I could write so much more, but I have said enough for now. The kids and I will be waiting on the pier when you return at the end of cruise, ready to welcome you home with open arms and hearts.

All my love forever and always,

I am off to bed. H is sleeping in D8's room. I tried to thank him for the V Day gift and was basically dismissed over it. I am drained and do not think I am going to be able to sleep.

thank you all for your input. Hopefully, he will read it with an open heart.

H is not attending church with us tomorrow. told D8 that he is not ready to do that. I am not sure what he meant by that.

SMW