I'm glad you did not send that email - just more pressure. She knows where you stand as it is.
You need to set aside emotions and work together on establishing the kids schedules for next year.
I wish there was something I could recommend for you to do so as to get your wife to change her mind, but unfortunately, all you can control is yourself.
To be honest, I didnt even hardly look at the schedule she proposed. Its 6 months from now. She did this a couple months ago for the winter holidays. I made some suggestions and she disagreed with everything, forced me into mediation and spending a ton of money. She ultimately took a weaker benefit for her than I had originally proposed. I assume whatever I say now will be passesd off as well. Its her way or the highway.
I'm totally ignoring her right now. She has sent me a couple emails and they are so cold and rude I don't even care to reply. She has the kids right now and sounds very disorganized. I'm sure she's pawned them off tonight or tomorrow night so she can be with her friends and party down. I can't win for losing, so I'm fed up.
Well.........your intended email has 2 messages in it - 1 was about setting the legal/mediation people aside and you two trying to work stuff out, the 2nd (the main part) was saying I still love you and want us to work things out.
I think its good you didn't send the email.
IMO I think look at what is doable right now - you're trying to work at being friends? And I think from memory your W has made some nods in that direction - thinking back to meal etc.
How about thanking her for making a start on the schedule and that there's some good ideas in it but there are a couple of things you'd like to talk to her about, that last time it took a load of money to get sorted so how about you 2 getting together to look over it to see if its possible to work something out between you. Simple as that. I think it would be good to show her that you can co-operate and get on without the pressure of your R becoming subject for discussion.
Just ideas...
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
I'm pretty much ready to toss in the towel. She has shown hardly zero interest in almost a year. This is just exhausting to me. I do wish she'd turn her head a little, but reality is what is I guess.
In one of my many wide ranging searches across these boards I came across a post referring to the necessity of building Goodwill as the first step on the path to a possible future relationship.
Could you be over-reaching and thus not managing to get to that stage as she fears that there is always a hidden agenda?...what would be the reaction of your W if you did as I suggested above?
Again - simply ideas....
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Well, I went over and picked up my kids at w house tonight. Did it about a half hour earlier than I had told I was going to.
W actually came out of the house, was nice to me, looked at me, and even had a small conversation. She never asked anything about me or my weekend though. I complemented her on a nice necklace she was wearing. It was quite different for her and I think I tossed her for a loop with the complement.
Tostada, I wish I had great words of encouragement to offer or something to ease the heartache. I don't.
I understand your weariness and as Lola is won't to tell me, only you know when you've gone as far as you can.
We're here to support you and offer up what encouragement we can. I've got tons of respect for you and how you have continued your efforts through some difficult times.
W emailed me that she's deducting what she spent on kids school supplies from her monthly check to me. She's required to give me a check each month for various things that we share.
The cost of the kids school supplies were almost $400. I think its really excessive. I mean all they need are a bunch of things that cost a max a few bucks each. And, this type of expense is not one that's in the "shared" category. She just automatically deducted $200 from her check and she's late with the check.
Then, she passed me in the car leaving the golf course. I had dropped my son there to practice. He ran into mom, with another guy. She told him they were having "lunch" in the bar. It was 5pm. Uh huh.
So, my L told me she could reply to her L re: the school supply issue. I told her I would handle it.
I feel sort of obligated to share the cost. But $400 is ridiculous. I feel she's taking advantage of me.
If I confront her about it, of course she will get pissed. But its not right. Plus, I'm pissed my son may have figured out his mother was on some sort of date.
Do I confront her on the expense, or let her know I don't agree with how she did it, but will split it with her?
I dropped $150 on school supplies for 3 kids, kindergarten, 3rd grade, and 7th grade. $400 in my opinion is definitely excessive.
Yes, you should confront her on it like a mature adult. That's what you would do if the mechanic told you he found some things that needed done on the car so he went ahead and did them and just added to cost to the bill. Yes, the kids needed school supplies, but, her spending was out of line and I can almost guarantee that she didn't honestly spend that much on supplies. You could tell her that you thought she was excessive and you'll gladly split the cost with her when you see the receipt as $400 seems excessive. Maybe she bought clothes too.
OK, that seems somewhat confrontational, but, you do need to set a boundary there and find a way of dealing with it otherwise there is a good chance that she will take advantage of you again in a similar vein.
I think if you ask that you are curious as to what the $400 was used on, she should be able to tell you. I am guessing clothes.
But bear in mind that she could take it the wrong way and fire back that she thinks you are being to financially stingy in regards to your own children.
If she is dating another guy, she could be feeling some guilt and could redirect her anger of guilt at you.
