Thanks for looking in on me. My S's and I weathered Hanna this morning. Lots of heavy rain, high wind, looked a little scary, especially for my boys, but there was no damage and did not lose power even once, which is a blessing. The sun even came out late this afternoon, although everything was very soggy.
<grossness warning:>
Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I guess I'm under way too much stress -- more so than I realized. First, I nearly choked on my lunch as I was trying to wolf it down (trying to get back to work). I won't do that again.
Then, after work, I picked up my S's at Chik-Fil-A -- that's where W decided to meet me for an exchange (I have ceased trying to figure out her insane logic.) She didn't even feed them either, just let them go to the play area, then when I arrived she told me I could feed them. As soon as I transferred our S's belongings from her vehicle to mine she got out of there. Nice.
I let my S's finish their play and then told them it was time to leave. Naturally they didn't want to leave. It was then I started feeling extremely ill, the sick feeling I had had in my stomach ever since lunch became overwhelming. I started to black out. I sat down to try to fight for my bearings, put my head between my knees. I then dragged my S's with me to the men's room. I proceeded to toss my cookies -- only it wasn't natural. I was throwing up blood, black blood.
It scared the daylights out of my oldest. Both of them were wanting to stay outside the restroom, but I didn't think it was safe for them to be alone out there. Eventually I managed to clean myself up -- I was drenched in sweat, but no longer dizzy.
Somehow the Lord watched over us as I drove through the rain back to my apartment. I worried I might black out at any moment, so I drove slowly. Just as I was pulling into a parking space, I began to feel myself go. I managed to stop the engine, put the car in park and threw open the door. I had an empty grocery store bag at the ready and proceeded to throw up again. The rain actually felt surprisingly good.
I got us all inside, put everything away and proceeded to the bathroom. I sat on the ceramic tile floor, panting. S7 brought me the phone, I dialed W and gave the phone back to him. I told him to talk to his mother and tell her she might have to come get S7 and S3.
W went into her clinical nurse-mode, asked about the vomit, its color and consistency. She concluded that it was likely an ulcer that had been bleeding for some time, slowly filling my stomach. The black blood was old blood.
W offered to take me to the hospital, but first had me check my blood pressure. S7 found the blood-pressure cuff after some searching, and my blood pressure was acceptable -- I wasn't yet to the point where I might be bleeding to death. W told me to take some pink stuff and begin taking some Prilosec or Zantac. She told me to monitor my blood pressure. She would stay by the phone in case I needed to go to the ER. I thanked her and hung up.
Obviously I made it through the night, and through the storm, and have been taking it very easy since. I still feel a bit ill, weakened. But no more spitting up blood. I will schedule an appointment with my doctor on Monday.
I feel bad that I am still vulnerable to stress, even though I am slowly finding some peace in my situation. I am ashamed that this is a poor reflection on my faith in God. that I am still not good at giving my worries over to Him as I should. I am still working on this apparently.
I feel bad that I am still vulnerable to stress, even though I am slowly finding some peace in my situation
If you weren't so sick, I would come over and kick your hiney. Nocode, the heart and mind can only take so much before the body takes over your stress. Some eat, some don't eat, some sleep too much, some don't sleep at all, some drink, some take drugs, some lose attention span, some focus on organization, and the list goes on. And some (most) internalize, try to process, and it manifests into something physical: headaches, back/neck aches, ulcers, anything.
This doesn't make you weak, this doesn't mean you aren't doing the work to get yourself through this.
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I am ashamed that this is a poor reflection on my faith in God. that I am still not good at giving my worries over to Him as I should.
AND IT MOST DEFINATELY DOESN'T MEAN THIS!!!!
You would be much lower, in a much worse spot if you haven't leaned on God this entire time.
'Nuff lecturing. But I just can't watch you be so hard on yourself.
I am so sorry about your episode with the kids. Being sick with kids around is so hard and stressful. I have been in the pickle you were before, and its not easy. You did everything right. I am very happy to see that you wife showed compassion and offered assistance when you needed it.
Once you get checked out and leveled out on some meds, you'll be feeling so much better. I am thinking of you. Take it easy and take care.
Bless you, Lwb! I can't begin to tell you how encouraging your words are to me. I consider myself lucky and blessed to count you as a friend, even if we've only ever met over the ether.
And you're absolutely right. Your words underscore exactly the message I just was listening to on Focus on the Family -- even clergy can get depression and suffer from the stress of over-work. Even when they love what they do, they can still get burned out and suffer all sorts of health problems. Rev. Tommy Nelson, who has a ministry concerning depression, having suffered a nervous breakdown while doing what he loves, said that the collapse of our emotions and our physiologies under the pressures of life is not a reflection on one's faith.
Just as you stated, Lwb.
I took the boys to church this morning. We were greeted by one of S7's teenage counselors in his YMCA after school program. Until then we didn't know she went to the same church. In her presence S7 was just beaming (a crush maybe?)
S3 no longer goes to nursery school -- he's a "big boy" now and goes to the sanctuary with me for the first part of the church service, then to Children's Church with his peers. He's growing up so fast.
Meanwhile S7 is no longer in Children's Church -- he's graduated to Sunday School with the 2cnd and 3rd graders. He got his own student bible today -- he was so proud. And I was proud of him too. I let S7 know what a great milestone this is for him.
If you weren't so sick, I would come over and kick your hiney. Nocode, the heart and mind can only take so much before the body takes over your stress. Some eat, some don't eat, some sleep too much, some don't sleep at all, some drink, some take drugs, some lose attention span, some focus on organization, and the list goes on. And some (most) internalize, try to process, and it manifests into something physical: headaches, back/neck aches, ulcers, anything.
That is so true!!! I get headaches from stress I've realized. I think we all do something like that. And I don't think ulcers are entirely stress-related. One of my friends has ulcers and I know the dr. said she was drinking too much coffee and not enough milk, so it can be diet related too or for other non-stress reasons also. Although, yeah, I think stress can make them worse. Do you exercise a lot and have time to relax and stuff? Also, do hope you go to the dr. for sure and get checked out!!! Hope you are feeling better soon!!! Maybe this is just a sign that you need to pay better care of yourself or something???? ((((NC))))
HC.. nocodes... my dear.. I am so glad your ok and seeing a dr. on Monday. You really scared me.
Stress can be really rough on your body. In every shape and form of it. Gods knows that you have been going through so much, and there is SO much your body can tolerate.
and your faith in god... Im going to have to smack you silly... Stop it now. Your faith in god should be admired by others. You are truly a dedicated man to him. Although I man not believe the same things you do, I have the utmost respect for you and your faith.
Please please please take care of yourself, for your you and your kids. They need you to be well.
Let me know how the dr.s goes. I won't be posting much the next couple of days, but maybe just reading.
They do grow up fast.. too fast..S5 started kindergarten last wk. and S2 is starting Pre-school tomorrow
Take care and be well.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Karen