Oh my God, when I read your situation it sounded like mine in 1979. I too, wanted him back. But it never happened. Then #2 came along and married me after I had my first marriage annuled in the Catholic Church.
Guess what, he left too! We've been divorced and out of communication for 5 years. Just recently he called me and now I think he's just playing with me. So now I'm back on the boards trying to find like minded people.
Good luck in you counseling. I hope it works and you can have some peace. I understand 100% how you can want to know all the lousy details even thought it will hurt you. But I guess we all need to feel like we have a clean slate.
