Advice-Husband moved in with OW(I'm a Newby)

[Trying2live]

Hope 3343,
Yes read the book and do the book and GAL. Sign up for dance lessons or something you enjoy. It really helped me. Bet your spouse won't like it either. Mine didn't. In fact when he visited the kids here at the house and I happen to leave during salsa(which I planned it that way ha ha) he seemed bothered. I didn't even say where I was going. He had to ask my daughter. He was oh wow, like he didn't care but I think he did.

That's whats to important about GAL. It's good for you and it's good for them to see you moving forward. My husband didn't expect for me to do that. So I'm going to find more things that he doesn't expect me to do. That's what I think by what they mean as attractive. Do something out of character(of course nothing nutso) but something that is opposite of hey poor old me waiting around for you. Dance class or join a gym. My H was making comments to my daughter about my weight loss-which seemed to bother him too_yesssssss! And I'm purposing to lost a little more and get in better shape.

Next time he throws out an invitation, don't take it. Say oh sorry I can't have plans-and be gone. be gone when he is there and expects you to be home. Go get coffee or something. One time I went to the book store up the street and read for 2 hours while he visited the kids-guess what he was particularly bothered that day and made more than normal stupid comments.

You see I think these guys or gals, want control, power and attention. That's not healthy. This is really good because while I'm telling you I'm getting it too -whoo hooo. Someone posted on my thread to stop giving him so much attention and focus on myself and I think I just got it. Yes I hurt and yes I cry-and that's healing. Does this make sense? They expect us to be doormats and to never get over them but guess what seems to happen when they think we are moving on. They start to question there selves.
I just realized yesterday that when my H sends me all these crazy emails that when I pour out my heart and beg him to stop he gets attention(and negative attention) so I'm not going to do that any more. Now I'm simply going to reply hey that's funny good stuff and drop it and wait to see what will happen.

Please read the book again and get more literature to inform your self. Possibly Love Must Be tough by Dr. James Dobson(excellent book on Affairs) and also Dr. Willard F. Harley Surviving an Affair. Read Read Read and GAL.

Your doing fine, this is not an easy thing your going thru. Be as confident as you can and yes I know its hard cuz I haven't mastered it yet. But they need to see us this way. Your right on track. Be encouraged, this to shall pass. When I don't know but we're gonna be the stronger for it. Like they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.