Navy Wife--The Toughest Job In The Fleet

[NikB]

Alrighty... back to post! I was going to read the other comments first, but I think I'll comment first instead so it's more off of my "first impressions." Overall I think it's good!! Just some tweaks here and there, and some thoughts to share.

I'm trying to put on my "WAS hat," though glad to see you also heard from somenone coming from that perspective!

Another deployment. I was thinking about how lucky we have been thus far. We have been married almost 14 years and this is will only be our third full cruise. Not too many Navy couples can say that! I should count my blessings, and I honestly do, but I still always miss you so much when you are away.

hmm... do you think that he'll be happy about the reference to the length of your M? I'm afraid he may take this the wrong way, like, "yeah 14 years of a terrible M!" (if he's feeling down on the M, in general). I know at least in my case H kept "extending" the time he'd been unhappy. First it was for 2 years, then 4, then 6... at one point H had been "unhappy" in his R with me longer than he had BEEN in an R with me!! (yeah that one had me scratching my head.. I pointed out I hadn't even known him at the time he was referring to.. weird). Anyway.. just a thought, not sure if it applies to you.

I was a little confused about the "lucky" part too until I read the next part. My very first thought was that "we" have not been so "lucky" if this sitch is going on! I thought you might mean "and you've never gotten hurt" or something.. just confused. Then I realized you meant it was because he hadn't had that many cruises during the time you've been married. Maybe you can reword this a little bit.. "I'm so glad you've only had 3 full cruises during our time together... I should count my blessings.." What do you think?

We have seven months ahead of us. It s seems like so much time. I will be spending it thinking, reflecting, maturing.

Maybe not emphasize the "negative" of it so much - how long it is etc. Maybe something like "I plan to spend the next seven months... "

Now that I am attending church again and have given my life over to God, I see so many areas where I have made mistakes in my life, areas that ultimately affected us and our relationship. The biggest one was having my priorities straight from the beginning. God first, then you, then the kids and then the rest of life. It is the way it is supposed to be and I failed to do so. Now that I have let god in, he is helping me get it right.

I'm sorry but I can't recall...does your H share your religious beliefs?

I know that Amy's is more like me - not particularly religious or spiritual. Coming from THAT perspective solely, I think you might soften up the credit you're giving to "God" a little bit. Yes you do give credit there, but give yourself more credit too. If you're giving credit to someone/something that your H does not believe exists, you can see where it would come across a bit different than you intended. He might also not be too happy that you prioritized someone/something else over your R with him, if he doesn't believe in that someone/something. Does that make sense?

If he DOES share your religious beliefs then I think this is perfect.

I owe so many apologies I do not even know where to begin.

A little too heavy on the negative, maybe.. I'm afraid this might get him thinking of a mental list of the things you did wrong.. and it may not even match up with "your" list.

First, I apologize for not allowing you to be the head of our family. I usurped your position, taking on responsibilities--like the bills and disciplining the kids—that should have belonged to you. I always used the excuse that it was easier for me to take charge of things because of your career and deployments, when the reality was that I had an overwhelming need to be in control. I was wrong and I hope you can forgive me.

Are you sure this is an issue for him?

Not all men WANT this responsibility. My H for example is pretty darn glad he doesn't have to deal with the bills. It bugged him that I quit paying his cell bill (because I didn't want to have to look at it and all the calls to OW!). If this is something he has complained about then leave this in, but if it's not you might take this out.

I also apologize for failing to give you me. You deserved more quality time with me, for us, in our marriage. In the beginning, it was oh so easy. But, as our little family grew, I allowed the kids’ needs to take priority over yours. I failed to see that you needed time from me, too, and I ended up neglecting the most important person in my life because of my short-sightedness. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with you, I just always figured things would balance out once the kids got older and you would always be there.

This is absolutely beautiful.

Where do we go from here? I don’t know. I still believe in us, in the love we built a 13 ½ year marriage on.

Same comment as above about mentioning the time frame. You could just say "I still believe in us and our ability to build a happy future.." something like that. Keep it more future focused.

I made a promise on the rainy January day that I still keep. The promise was for better or for worse. I pray daily that this is the for worse and the better is still in our future.

This sounds a teeny bit "blaming" I think. "I'm keeping my promise... and you're not"

I know that you actually pray for it, but I think it might be better to sound more confident about the worse/better.

"I truly believe that we can build a better future together."

Our old marriage is gone, buried under mistakes too numerous to mention.

I would take out the stuff after the comma. It emphasizes the negative WAY too much. And, if the things you chose to apologize for don't quite match up with what he feels were the top mistakes, this could sound like you're dismissing the ones that are "big" to him.

You were right, I do deserve better. But, honey, so do you, and my dream is that we can build a better marriage together, using the foundation from the old one.

hmmm.. can you just say "We both deserve better than what we had before, and my dream..." ?? The "I do deserve better" implies better than him, not necessarily the better R.

Our family has asked can I ever forgive you. Sweetheart, I already have forgiven you. I will continue to ask God to help me maintain that forgiveness until the day I no longer remember why I needed to forgive you in the first place. I only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, too.

I wouldn't bring your family into it... just say you've already forgiven him for what happened.

If he's not religious, I'd soften the religious reference again or take it out. You could even keep this a little simpler, I've forgiven you, and I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me too.

H, I love you. I have loved you almost from the moment we met, and I will always love you.

Awwww.. I like this.

Whether you are gone 7 months, a year, forever, I will still be here, honoring the promise I made and the love we shared, raising our children, and maintaining our home.

Ouch... this sounds pretty condescending again. "I'm keeping MY promise" [and you're NOT keeping YOURS]. I would take all of this out. I can't really think of a way to re-word it that sounds right.

My heart is so full and I could write so much more, but I have said enough for now. The children and I, you family, will be waiting on the pier when you return at the end of cruise, ready to welcome you home with open arms and hearts.

I love this with one exception, I'd take out "your family." He knows who you are... It sounds a little pushy or something.. can't quite put my finger on it but I think the paragraph/sentence is much better without it.

All in all I think it looks very good! Hope my thoughts and those of others help you tweak it some.

(((SMW)))