Catching up on you... hope you don't regret asking!
((Poet))
I don't normally read or post on this particular forum, so that's how I lost track of ya. Sorry about that! I don't want to offend anyone so I'm a little bit hesitant to say this but I'll go ahead... and please, everyone, know that I"m not talking about you personally, just an overall trend that I've noticed. The reason I don't usually come here is that it seems to be the one forum where a lot of people get really, really stuck. It's like slapping the "MLC" label on it somehow makes the DB process "different" and makes it more of a situation where you're willing to put up with any and all treatment because your spouse is "sick" or "in crisis" or whatever. It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE. Focus on you, GAL, do what works... it's all the same no matter WHAT the reason is for the WAS leaving. This may not even be true for this board anymore, but it was a long time ago when I started to move over here and several people urged me not to, fearing I'd get "stuck" too.
OK... off my soap box..
On the etiquette thread - PLEASE don't worry too much. 99% of people will be respectful and honest with you... and, I can't even imagine you responding in a way that comes close to upsetting whoever posted to you. You don't have to do or not do everything suggested, just take it all in, and do what works best in your sitch.. make sense?
Speaking of which... the 2x4 Eek.. that interaction yesterday morning was really bad!! I am glad that you saw it though. Now stop doing it.
ALWAYS think of him like a distant but friendly neighbor or co-worker. Seriously, if they were coming by to grab something you left out for them, would you meet them and hand them breakfast and your newspaper??? I'm pretty sure that would get you an interesting - but not positive! - response from them.
Fig's advice on how to handle his anger is great.
Quote:
Actually, I do not want uncontested, not because of the money, but because I know it will fray and disolve whatever chance there is left of my ever seeing him again.
Huh???
Truly, this makes no sense to me. At all. Just so you know...
On the rest of your posts,
Barb... damn I thought I was good with the 2x4s, I bow to you, you're the master!! I was just typing up a post and realized you already said it, and better. So Poet I'll just suggest that you re-read Barb's latest posts, over and over, til it sinks in. And print them out to re-read later, too... more of it will sink in as time goes on.
To reiterate what I'd suggest to you: - ABSOLUTELY quit telling him you're trying to forgive him. DO it, but do it for yourself, not him. He doesn't care. And it invalidates HIS feelings in a way, because you're telling him indirectly "you're wrong and I'm right."
- IF your state allows it, change the locks. If not, firmly and politely tell him that your house is your space and that you need your privacy, he is not welcome unless you specifically invite him. (and, show him the same respect by not going to the trailer... if you've been doing that, I wasn't totally clear on if you DID do that or if he just thought you did)
- Plan your life without him in it.
- Get what is fair and what you deserve in the settlement. This is BUSINESS, not personal - take the emotion out of it and do what's right for yourself.
- Go dark... FOR REAL.
- GET A LIFE
I'm so glad that you saw some friends... disappointed that you talked about H, but it's done now. I'm glad she reprimanded you... real life 2x4s are good too!
YAY - you painted your nails, that's awesome.
I was just about to make the very same suggestion as fig - get yourself some NON-R books and have fun with them. fig, my Mom's a Janet Evanovich (sp??) FREAK! She can't read them in public because she busts out laughing and gets embarassed.
Poet - can I give you a little "homework"? I'm copying this from another thread.. I give this assignment out a lot and it seems to work well for people . Tonight, make a list of 10 things that make you happy/smile. They can be big or small, but preferably at least a couple of them are social and/or active. If you're having trouble thinking of things that make you smile right now, think of things that made you smile years ago, even when you were a kid.
Then, make a commitment to yourself that you'll pick 3 things from that list (2 can be easy, 1 should be one of those social/active ones that'll require a little effort)... and DO THEM this weekend/week. With a smile. No matter how fake it feels.
Some of the "little" ones that worked for me...
- Flowers for your table.. lots of grocery stores have small bunches of carnations for cheap.
- Get your nails done (around here there are little nail salons in the strip malls EVERYWHERE that you can get a "polish change" as opposed to a full manicure, and it's only $5!).
- Get a new outfit that you really love... or try a new hairstyle. (OK the hair might not count as "little" )
- Rent and watch a favorite childhood movie (no sad ones!)
- Take a walk through the park; or, sit in the park and read a favorite book, or magazine. (not R related!)
- Call a friend and chat - NOT about your R, at all
OK... some of the bigger ones...
- Go to a movie. If you can't find anyone to go with you, no problem - it's OK to go to a movie by yourself! It's not that bad, I promise.
- Go to a local event.. fair, or something like that.
- Go to a meetup (no, it's not a dating site, it just sounds like one). If you tell me what area you're in, I'll even do a little research and look up some promising ones for ya. I know the concept seems scary.. but I promise, I've been to well over a dozen of these groups, and they are just normal people like you and me. Yes a few strange folks once in awhile... but you find that anywhere.
I hope you'll take me up on the "assignment." If you do, let us know what you pick.
(((Poet))))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
