Cinders.....I totally agree with you....our children are the ones suffering more than we are....they don't know how to cope...even the older ones....my girls just can't stand to be around their dad....my 16 year old said last week that she hates cheaters as she was sobbing from a fight with a friend...they don't know what to do....my 11 year old played my H and I against each other the other night....only so he could have my H here just a little longer....I didnt realize this til later when my S11 asked, "mom are you mad at me"...to which I responded...."son I love you, I could never be mad at you"...and he teared up....My H and I both love our children....I just wish my H loved me..... It definately tears at your heart....you just wish you could take away all the pain.....
Last edited by Treese; 09/06/0812:49 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
You are so right about our children and the MLCers have themselves convinced that our children are adjusting or will adjust fine with no repercussion at all. If mine sees any signs of problems it is automatically chalked up to my refusal to give up. I started to feel guilty about this until I realized it was just to soothe their conscience. Nothing we can do except pray for our spouses and our children.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Well......... H called the kids to say goodnight...once again he was at a concert (last night too). He had locked himself in a bathroom to call the kids, as otherwise he could not even hear them.
Urgh, I HATE that he is this happy and free and YOUNG ! He NEVER wanted to do any of that when he was in this life with me.
I'm sorry guys...
Having a rough and tough day. Cannot detach. It's too hard when someone you loved is off having the life, whilst you feel replaced and left behind, together with 3 wonderful kids, who did NOTHING to deserve this.
My feelings for H are starting to go bitter and I don't like the man he has become. If that keeps going on, then soon enough I will hate him and not want him in my life anymore, and I need to deal with him being the father of our kids....
This is just a HORRIBLE situation we are all in.
I feel lost and confused after nearly 3 years of this. I feel frustrated and to be honest I feel let down by God. I'm not sure that HE is really out there anymore...my faith is disappearing, there are so many good people who should not be going through this, yet they are, how can GOd allow that !?
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
He can only live this lifestyle when he has no responsibilities such as having kids full time and getting them to bed early, getting them up early, clothing and feeding them before they go to school, etc.
If he had to do those things, I don't think he could handle going to concerts, etc.
It is too bad he has to be this way. I feel for you and the kids.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Cinders… It is OK to feel angry and bitter towards your husband. Those feelings need to be worked though and understood. They will pass. Accept them and see how you can learn and grow from them.
Just because your H is keeping himself too busy to think or feel doesn’t mean that he wont one day. You are working through your ‘stuff’ now.. his time will come.
My H is similar in as much as he is living the young, free and single party life. I find myself wondering which was the real man.. The man he was with me or the man he is with OW. I personally do not wish to associate with the man my H is right now, I just don’t like him – simple as that.
Nutty x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Cinders, for what it's worth: I think you're doing an amazing job of coping with a really crappy situation. Don't beat yourself up about lack of detachment, etc. Ride the wave until your feet touch bottom again.
Cinders think of it as a learning maybe God is trying to show you something.
When all this happened for me, I was devastated, blamed my h, was so angry and so resentful.
Now I feel this journey was more for me than it is for my h. I have learned so much along the way. I have learned to love unconditionally which is so hard to do and my faith has grown so strong.
God is there he just might not be answering the way you want him to.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Cinders, I could have written every single word that you wrote in your last post.
I remember saying to a friend of mine when all this started that I never wanted to be in a position where I hated my H.
Let me tell you that this is exactly how your H wants you to feel. It takes the heat off them. They can continue to blame you for the way things have turned out. Now is the time that you really need to go dark. That way any off the wall feelings you have for your H right now will not surface as anger in his presence.
It will pass. It may also raise it's ugly head again sometime in the future but it is all part of the process.
(((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
It definately tears at your heart....you just wish you could take away all the pain.....
