Positive developments?

[jon2911]

OK, here goes.

The weekend was OK, not as good as I'd hoped. I had a studio gig on Friday night, which went an hour late. I kept her updated, but it started things on a bad note. Need to not give overly optimistic estimates about time, this has been a long-standing problem.

The hotel was beautiful, with free breakfast in the mornings. She really liked it that I brought it to her. On Saturday we went shopping, hit one of our favorite places to eat, the art museum, then a comedy club, topped off by a motorcycle ride. She said it was our best time shopping ever, probably because I was paying. She modeled everything for me, and was looking HOT.

Which made it even more strange when, for the first time in our separation, sex didn't work. She had a lot of thoughts running through her head, the new piercings probably didn't help. It was frustrating nonetheless.

Sunday we spent the day on the motorcycle, went to the lake, had an overall good time. W couldn't stop picking at me though. She was constantly saying how we've grown apart and this doesn't work any more. At one point she said "I'm changing my middle name when the D goes through, any suggestions? OM says I should go with..."  The mention of D, name change, and OM was too much. I can usually blow this stuff off, but she could tell I was pissed. Of course this R doesn't work if you intentionally sabotage it constantly. We ended the night at a drive-in movie, again one of our favorite things.

Back at the hotel, we started talking. W asked why I was mad at mention of OM, that she's told me nothing happened there. I told her I was more upset about the D and name change. This launched into a typical "you never cared about that before. Why do you care now?" She said I didn't introduce her by that name, just as W. And it bugs her. I get that, and made it clear that I was very proud when she took my name.

She also said "You need to learn to make a woman feel beautiful without commenting on specific attributes. I felt like a piece of meat this weekend." Ouch. I asked her to explain, and she said "go Google it".

I think I understand more now. Complements about her clothes and body are nice, but that's not why I married her. I need to keep talking about things I admire about her also. With her new, um, craziness, I kind of forgot about that. Before she left I apologized, and she said "I can't wait around for you to change, and I can't keep ". I told her that constantly picking at me didn't work before, so why do it again? I'm doing all I can, and I'm really scared that by the time I finish the 12-steps, it will be too late. She seemed to appreciate that.

Several good talks this week, including last night. I threw a sleeping bag on my motorcycle and plan to get away and be a hobo this weekend. It's been great so far, haven't slept outside in a while. I'm starting my life inventory (step 4 of the 12 steps). It sucks, but I need to work through it. I vaguely told her I'm getting away to work on some stuff. Just got a text: "what step are you on?" So she's thinking.