Dont be amazed at my srength...I really have none.... I am scared but I cant live like this not knowing...
So... his lack of replying to my email like he said he would, then 4 days of fun playful text, he called me Babe in one.... I pushed the envelope....
Yesterday on my way to counseling ..I sent him a text to please start bringing boxes home... I wanted all his stuff out before I go back to work on the 15th.
He responded with wow..ok... ( how could he be shocked)
anyway it prompted many texts.. and he did send me a partial email response to mine..I asked him to send even if it was unfinished.
He feels shame, disgust, guilt..... for what he has put everyone thru..yes even OW.
He admitted his life has no stability or direction anymore and he has been alienated from friends and family.
He said he loves me!! He said I am a great woman and a wonderful mother...
I responded back and told him all I needed was to hear he loved me. We could get thru this together, I would stand by his side with my head high proud to be his wife.
This situation is not just about him..We let our marriage get to crisis mode.
But... how does he feel about OW? He has left me twice to go to her. Why is he drawn to her and if he came back there could be no contct..no secrets.. no lies..100% committed to me.
He said before he does anything he needs to see his family in Chicago...
A while later he sends dates for the first week of October that he wants to go... I ask him UHHH.. and your going to keep living with OW for a month while you decide?
He sent me a text saying we will talk tomorrow.
Today is my D 14th birthday..We have soccer and lunch planned..
I think that is a deal breaker for me if he doesnt move out of her house and start the dating process..even if he is not completely ready to move home..he could stay anywhere....
I am completely overewhelmed.... I knew he still loved me.. I feel it.. I just hope this is all for me and not the pressure the affair being out in the open has put on him... All that is confusing..because he has left 3 times..
We shall see what today brings..I have not let down my gaurd..I know it was only words..
What is fair to ask? Im not even sure how to take these next steps.
