Yeah I think the books are probably not THAT big of a deal. Anyway somewhere inside Alien H there is real H, and that H might even be happy to have them. I really do hope they make him happy.
OK I will avoid MIL talk. If she reaches out to me again (I just have a weird feeling that she will), I will reaffirm my commitment to the marriage and to H in general, but will not go beyond this.
I sent the Dublin email this morning at 10 AM my time. I have no idea whether he's seen it yet (I assume he has), or in fact whether he is even back in Dublin yet. I don't like this new dark pattern he's in. I actually do worry, and if he doesn't reach out today, it will have been 72 hours with no contact, which is really, really weird, and will make me think that something has happened with him, maybe not to him, but something within him has changed. I haven't seen him on IM for 1.5 days, which in and of itself is odd.
I do agree that there is a chance this dark time will benefit a possible visit in Dublin. Of course I don't know what I will do if I don't see him at all (but don't worry I swear not to pursue). I guess I just wish that he would have kept to his schedule agreement a tiny bit, maybe even just telling me that on the days he doesn't reach out it's because he doesn't feel capable or ready or something. This would make me feel a whole lot better. At this point I feel like he is deliberately trying to get to me, maybe subconsciously, but doing it just the same.
I actually AM really busy in Dublin with work and personal errands, but as it stands I am staying in a hotel about a 10 minute walk from our house. This may break my heart a little bit when I am there, and can't walk home. There is still a REALLY small chance that he will ask me to stay at the house. It's small, but sometimes he gets weird about budget things, and if this ends up being the case, he could propose it. OK that's getting my hopes up a little too much...
Anyway I can make it through today...
It's REALLY sunny here so I'll go somewhere nice and breezy and write in my journal for awhile. This usually calms me down.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
