I think I just play the hard a$$ boss too much. I think I did the same thing in the marriage. Me Boss, you woman, you listen. I give you good life. So STFU! I'm not a whoremonger. I never cheated. I liked my suds. She despised it.
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She constantly disrespects me. I don't think she ever really treated me as her husband. She just wanted to control me and make me her slave, and I wasn't going to have it.
So would it be reasonable to say that you generally felt undervalued and unappreciated in the marriage? I can see how that can happen. Hell, I lived it. I unknowingly (at the time) did a very similar thing to my own husband back in the day.
But do you remember when she said you never used to help her bring in the groceries from the car and that you were never home with her and the kids (paraphrasing)? She does give you clues to how SHE felt, too, Phil.
Instead of letting the spirit of offense attach itself to you imagine for a minute that for whatever reason, things like that, over time, made her feel uncared for and unappreciated. And imagine that the times you'd drink and maybe even say nasty things to her...made her feel unloved, unappreciated and eventually...resentful.
Resentful enough to leave.
How many years do you suppose one can live that way and not begin to believe it's true, that they are unloved, uncared for and unappreciated?
I'm not saying I'm painting the picture of your marraige. But you're dropping clues here to us and she has dropped countless clues to you.
So I am suggesting that instead of focusing on how badly you felt (even though your feelings were legitimate), be the bigger person and look deeper and see how you both harmed each other.
If you get to a place where you can do that, and you can be completely honest with yourself about it, this battle of yours will take it's first turn towards victory.
