Thank you so much for your thoughts today on my thread!!!
I am so sorry to hear that you are upset!!! I have some thoughts.... I know you are upset but I honestly don't think that H is meaning to blow you off, i think he is just maybe unconsciously taking you for granted?????
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Friday morning - talked to H about bathroom stuff. Fun conversation, H was helpful and kind. He gave the impression that he would call me later, but I might be reading too much into 'speak to you soon etc'?
SOUNDS VERY POSITIVE
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Friday night - nothing. I thought he might call with an idea about something we could do together...
did you do anything fun on friday, or did you stay free on the chance that he would contact you, and then you were disappointed when he didn't....???
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Saturday morning - nothing. I send H a text saying 'hey we should catch up sometime, I've got a birthday present for you.' H texts back - 'oohh sounds exciting. I will be out tomorrow so lets stay in touch'. (H saying 'I will be out tomorrow' means 'I will be visiting next door neighbour to go wakeboarding')
OK, this is also very positive! the tone between you sounds very open and enthusiastic. But you are makign some big assumptions here!!!! what if he is going out to a... daylight fireworks show to take pictures by himself??? It sounds *to me* like what he is trying to say is, "I'm excited about the gift, I want to spend time with you but I can't tomorrow but let's communicate in the future about a plan."
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My initial though is - I'm the booty call after wakeboarding. I feel like I need to set a boundary now that if H wants to see me, he needs to make a plan, and I'm not the after thought of wakeboarding, just cause its convenient for H to see me then.
I think you are making a big assumption here that you are the booty call after wakeboarding. What if... H wants to make sure he is clean and handsome before hanging out with you, and doesn't have sand in any... special places? what if... he is leaving things open because of the variable sea conditions? there are many possibilites here.
I know that this sucks right now, but honestly I think H probably has NFC that he is hurting you at all.
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but I'm obviously not able to accept that H doesnt really want to see me, and isnt going to make an effort.
what??? when did he say he didn't really want to see you???? didn't he concoct an incredible massive romantic date to take you to cecilia bartoli, like two weeks ago or something? and he said he was excited about the gift??!!
I have a couple questions... did you ever have issues in the past where you felt like he took you for granted and you ended up waiting around??? Is this playing into an older pattern, or is this just a new anxiety?
What would constitute "making an effort" on his part? What would be the smallest increment of that?
My feeling is... I was actually wondering if you should be a little bit MORE available to see him, before I read this post, becuase your weekends frequently sound super packed. But obviously it is good to put interactions with him on hold for a little bit if you are feeling upset.
It sounds like maybe you have specific ideas about what consitutes Acceptable Verge of Reconciliation Husband Behavior... ??? Honestly I know it is frustrating but it is probalby better, from everything I've heard on here, if things move slower??? How can you be comfortalbe with moving slow without feeling disappointed.. like even if it means you don't see each other every weekend???
I would wait a little while until you feel less upset to decide what to do. Maybe he will call on Sunday or something, and you could see him or not see him depending on how you were feeling?? If you expressed interest in seeing him to give him the present and then you just mail it to him instead, that might be a little cold. What date are the tickets for???
WAIT!!! Could you use the trick Julia's coach suggested, like "on Sunday I have two hours before _____, would you like to meet so I can give you the tickets?"
Or maybe you could drop them off at his work or something, like so you'd know he'd be there and wouldn't be left hanging, but also would be able to see him (though briefly)??
Maybe you just need to get your hair really greasy and go to a morning exercise class and work that MORNING MOJO!!!
((((ESSIE)))) hang in there, darling, this is just a little bump in the road!!
