Hi Jen, I'm glad you had fun at your Hash get together last night. It's great to get out and meet new people, especially ones you can converse with in your own language. I'm sure your H is wondering about what you're up to. Don't be an open book, keep him wondering. He seems to be more interested in you that way.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Well, I've done it again. Today we went to the club. He was texting with a friend a bit. He left his phone on the table to go and get something to drink. While he was gone his phone rang and who should it be but the girl he had an EA with in Jan. I hit the green button and then the red button on his phone right away. I flipped out! He went for a walk. I then decided to call her. I told her that her calling him hurt me and she hung up on me because I was so upset.
xh came back from his walk and was very upset/angry. He told me he wants nothing to do with me and he doesn't want to be around me ever again. He told me he doesn't care about me and never did and said I never think about how I hurt him only about how he hurt me. He said he can't believe I even touched his phone and when he found out I called her he got even angrier. He said she was probably calling to see how he was because a mutual friend told her he had been sick. That I don't know sh1t and my brain invents all sorts of false scenarios. He brought D and I home and left.
When we got home I texted her and told her I was sorry for calling her. She texted back and told me she only called because she heard he was sick and wanted to see how he was. I told her when I saw her calling I got upset but I was inmature to call. She then told me that I shouldn't worry about her and if her call affected me negatively then she won't call him again. I told her I couldn't control who she or xh spoke to and I hoped there were no hard feelings.
I think I managed to do some damage control with her but now I don't know what I can do to make it up to xh.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Well, I would say before you decide make sure you are GAL & detached enough. To me it seems there is a big control issue especially when he gets pissed when you don't call.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
You know, we all feel your pain here. What do you think your H would have done if the sitch was reversed? Maybe you should go dark for awhile & figure out what you want. Fear & control walk hand in hand ....
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I don't know what he'd do or feel if he were in my shoes. I'm sure he'd be hurt and upset just as i felt.
I agree that fear and control walk hand in hand. I control because I fear I may loose him. But the truth is the need for control makes this fear become a reality.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
WEll, As I told Coach the 8/22/08 Detached thread by sgctxok - has been an eye opener for me & I have ben reading it to engrain it in my head ..... I thought I was detached - but really I wasn't.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
..... I thought I was detached - but really I wasn't.