I'm not sure sometimes what is different . . . so I become paralyzed. Should I call him, should I not, should I tell him, should I not, if I do that, will he think this. I think I'm going to go crazy. Nothing seems to feel right.
My mother just had an aneurism behind her good eye. She could hardly see for almost a week. The doctor decided to operate. Two days later, my dad took her to get her hair done. When she got up to leave, she reached for her cane, lost her balance and fell through an unanchored bookcase (used as a room divider). I am thankful that she didn't break any bones, at 83 years old. However, she tore up her right shin pretty badly. No stitches, but she has a huge bruise. I'm a wreck worrying about the both of them.
So . . . I want to be strong. I am staying with them, but I want to tell 'A', my 'H' about everything. I feel if I tell him, he will feel manipulated. I want to show him that I am strong. However, I want to have a dialogue with him. If I tell him, I am frightened that I he won't see me as strong, but he will see me as needy. I do miss him, and I want to open up and share my life. I'm afraid. Times like these, it reminds me how emotionally alone I really am.
