God give me the patience and the strength...6

[theotherhalf]

It's like I am stuck in a life that wasn't chosen for me. And I can't find my way out. I do not want to go find someone else, to start over. But at the same time I don't want to spend my days left here on earth alone.

So...what do I do about it? Everywhere I turn there is a dead end. I'm so tired of searching...

I would give anything to just get one more chance with my M. One more chance to make it the best it can be. I want the chance that others have had on here and went on to make their M's better than ever. Oh how I pray for that. But I know that I cannot do that alone. I cannot make my H love me again.

I just want to go to bed at night with a smile. I want to wake up in the mornings and look forward to the day. Like I did over the last 25 years, up until 4/07. What the hell happened? Where did it all go wrong? Why did he leave me? What did I do or not do? Why did he quit on us? Why can't he see my worth?

I know you or anyone else don't have these answers. They are just questions in my head that go round and round. Just putting them here to get them out a little. I guess what you might call thinking outloud.