I believe none of us are given anything that we cant handle and it is how we handle that will determine our future.
As a man you seem to be in a much worse position than woman. My H left me in the home after I had the A.It seems wrong. When H discovered the A I absolutely believed that I hated him and had I remained in contact with the OM that would never of changed.
The key to it all is to stop her contact. F#$% being friends with him. No such thing when you have shared an A which has resulted in huge changes in your life. Until contact stops with him you cannot make progress.
How do you stop her having contact ? Find some leverage with something. I dont know what. What is she most frightened of losing? You CANNOT use the kids of course. They are off limits.
Once she has no shoulder to cry or lean on she will look to you. I know this 100%. I am ok on my own but I hate hate hate not having a partner just to share my thoughts, experiances etc of the day. I have many friends, family but it is not the same. When i had the A I so cut off my H from my everyday life and gave that to the OM. I only needed him.
I did not read all your replies etc so I am not sure if you are still M or on your friends couch so to speak.
They say it takes a woman 10 years to get back to a finacial position she was in before the end of her M and it takes a man 2. Dont let yourself be taken advantage of.
How can all your pay check go to her? Sell everything and you create a new home for your kids to visit. Dont be a door mat or used. A dad is as equally important to a child as a mum. Each of your children during certain parts of there development need there dad more than there man. Especially sons. There is a fantastic book called 'Raising boys'. Written by a prison governer ( woman) of a mans prison. Fantastic reading.
Build your life back for your kids, be available, be dignified. Do not put your W or her family down. The better father you are and the more emotionally available you are ther more your kids will benefit.
