Ok thanks soooo much. I did read the book and had a few coaching sessions but cannot schedule more for financial reason-all caused by this mess by the way. Ok I feel like I have a plan. Sounds hard but I'm going to do it. I'm a bad faker but here goes.
You weren't whining, I think we're all here really to be able to vent, get encouragement and sound advice. Thanks for the tip!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
I guess none of us are working today! I am on lunch though. It is central time in Texas. don't be a faker -- make yourself feel empowered then it won't be a lie. It is very difficult for me here because all of my family is on the east coast. I can't talk to anyone from work because we know all the same people. I actually had to run a meeting last week with my H there and the OW. Try that for 3 hours. I wanted to punch her. I kept looking at her and wrote on my notebook to unnerve her. It could have been alot worse. My H came out of the meeting with a migraine. He cannot move in with the OW because she works for him. After 21 years of marriage he tells me I am not happy and we have been unhappy for 12 years. Then 2 weeks later he says we were never happy. I don't know how old your H is but this is normal when they have a full mid-life crisis. Most affairs do not go past 6 months. I am just praying that these techniques will not be too late. We did stop trying for some time but not that I would get hit with divorce. The problem is that he refuses to try at all. We are going to a Marriage Counselor seperately and he said he would keep an open mind but he just is pushing for a divorce. We meet together for the first time with the counselor. It is tough. I need to make reservations to go home for Christmas to see all the family and he is not coming. This will be horrible for our family. I can't believe this is happening either. Stay strong. I have some good days among the bad.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I guess none of us are working today! I am on lunch though. It is central time in Texas. don't be a faker -- make yourself feel empowered then it won't be a lie. It is very difficult for me here because all of my family is on the east coast. I can't talk to anyone from work because we know all the same people. I actually had to run a meeting last week with my H there and the OW. Try that for 3 hours. I wanted to punch her. I kept looking at her and wrote on my notebook to unnerve her. It could have been alot worse. My H came out of the meeting with a migraine. He cannot move in with the OW because she works for him. After 21 years of marriage he tells me I am not happy and we have been unhappy for 12 years. Then 2 weeks later he says we were never happy. I don't know how old your H is but this is normal when they have a full mid-life crisis. Most affairs do not go past 6 months. I am just praying that these techniques will not be too late. We did stop trying for some time but not that I would get hit with divorce. The problem is that he refuses to try at all. We are going to a Marriage Counselor seperately and he said he would keep an open mind but he just is pushing for a divorce. We meet together for the first time with the counselor. It is tough. I need to make reservations to go home for Christmas to see all the family and he is not coming. This will be horrible for our family. I can't believe this is happening either. Stay strong. I have some good days among the bad.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I'm really feeling you! I'm dreading the holidays. And my 19 year anniversary is Dec. 19th. Ugg. Wow your my hero. If you can do a 3 hour meeting then I'm sure I can do a football game. I invited all his family(who happen to be pretty upset with him) and also invited lots of church friends(all of whom he knows). It should make for and interesting event if he even shows. Daughter told him that everyone was coming. We'll see. My sister is living in Abilene Texas. Funny thing she called me few weeks ago, sounds like she may be in the boat with all of us. Yeah mine told mutual friends he wasn't happy for a long time too. Both me and my 17 year old daughter kind scratch our heads. We don't remember that. Yeah I'm hoping it doesn't last past 6 months too. Is that 6 months from the start or 6 months after everyone knows. I'm hoping I will still like him by then he's so angry and blames me.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
It must be all of that Texas air turning our men crazy. They say 6 months from the start -- we can only hope. My H's OW is only 2 years younger than me but had plastic surgery on her face, butt and of course boobs. She looks like a barbie doll. At least everything I have is all original miles! lol. The good part of this is that I have lost about 20 pounds (I walk the beach almost every night about 4 miles), I need to lose about 50 more (well maybe 40), but I am growing out my hair, buying some new clothes and everyone has noticed but him. (or he is not saying). Your H is angry at you because he is really mad at himself. I read this thing about being "double minded"...You go to a counselor or priest with your problem and you have your own agenda, when they tell you the right thing -- you change it to fit your own needs and know it is still wrong and it causes great discontentment within our own soul. It is a battle and emotional breakdown. Thatis what he is experiencing. Deep down he knows he is wrong but only wants to blame you. Eventually he will have only one person to blame himself. take care. k
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I've received some good ideas for what to do when I see H at my son's football game next week. I haven't seen him in a month. I invited all his family(who are in support of me and not him) and also invited church friends. Someone had suggested that if everyone sees him and asks why we are not sitting together to simply tell them why and not to hide it. Several of them do already know but a few may not. If I do say more he will more than likely get really angry. What do you think? Good idea or keep it quiet?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
I hope its 6 months...but the more things I find like the ILY emails and probably txt msgs its hard to believe that, then with them practically living together. I don't know....
I guess the part I have on my side is that they also work together then go to lunch almost every day then see each other after work and to me that gets old fast plus it becomes a routine and the chasing of each other is over which is what my H says he likes the most.
I know what you mean T2L about seeing him. I saw my H this morning because he dropped off his son's bike since his son still goes to school by my house and its so hard to look at them and then get nervous talking to them because for me I don't want to say the wrong thing.
Then I have all my family and friends telling me to just move on, let go, and he isn't worth it for cheating (especially twice) and that he will do it again. But I want to believe otherwise. I love him then hate him then love him. Its like this tug of war between your inner self. The hardest is being patient especially since it just started for you and me! Six months is until February of next year!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to hold on but I feel like I'm slipping.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Good morning, another stressful evening. I took my time leaving work yesterday and did not call H because I am trying to give him space. Then I pick up my daughter and he calls asking why we are not home. go figure. We ended going out to eat with our D15 and her friend. After dinner the girls go outside then he starts asking questions about splitting the bills and why is it so expensive. Nice way to settle a meal. He then says you send me the bills but not the savings information. He thinks I am going to hand him thousands of thousands of money so he can live the high life. too much. I need to get some legal advice like it or not. Then we go home and I leave to take a walk on the beach. At the local hotel they had a band outside and I stayed and sat on the seawall and listened to some music. It was sad to be alone. I get home and he is on the phone with our other D28 who lives on the East Coast. She knows we are having problems -- She also has anxiety problems which she is trying to deal with. I think she was giving him a hard time. We talk outside and he thinks he is being wonderful because he is looking for an apartment close to where we live and that he is planning on taking a class today on how to deal with the kids on divorce. I tell him that I get he is not happy but why won't he work on the marriage instead of working on everything to break up the marriage (against DB techniques). I caught myself and went inside. He gets up this morning and goes to the class. I feel sick. How can you go to a class to teach on how to break our kids hearts. I worry about our D15 so much. I think that my H would be more receptive if the OW was not in the picture. I think she is the one that is clouding his vision. I pray he sees that before it is too late. Hope everyone is having a more positive day than me. chat later. take care and God bless. k
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I'm so sorry. I understand about the kids. I have a son who is 9 and a daughter who is 17. Yesterday my son decided he would like to go to a friends to spend the night so I brought him his overnight bag. He seemed worried that I was going to be home alone(hurts he's only 9 he shouldn't have to worry about mom). I say son have a great time it's not your worry you need to be a kid. He calls me at 9:30PM to pick him up-a supposed stomach ache. Then on the way home he breaks down in tears and says I'm nervous all the time, I feel like I have to protect you now that dad is gone. He says he is so nervous and can't stop biting his fingernails. I tell him that he is doing a wonderful job and this is a hard thing. We are going to therapy next week. Was alone most of the evening until then, it was hard. Most friends are married so I don't really want to intrude on their night. Need more friends in Southern California area who are going thru the same thing.
I'm glad you caught yourself and went out the listen to the band-especially for the self respect half. We should not have to beg. We did not create this. I would not even respond to the fact that he went to the class. A friend told me don't expect anything normal from my spouse, and I don't think you should either.
Look further up my thread, either the 1st or 2nd page. Someone sent me 2 links. One was to physiology.com or something like that and the other was to a link on the boards explaining the mindsets of these guys. It's VERY informative. Read more books as well to get super informed. I just found another book that I will be going to buy to day. Very similar to DB book. Its by Dr. Willard F. Harley called, Surviving An Affair.
And as hard as it sounds keep concentrating on your self. Sounds like yours is probably harder than mine as it seems like he's still living in the home. Mine is not. So there's hardly any contact. I'd probably lose it if he was on the home. Keep your head up and don't be too hard on yourself. One step in front of the other. These guys seem like they all want the attention on them the whole world on them. Don't give it to him, as the book says GAL. I'm not totally there either but I am trying. At the start of this nightmare I started salsa lessons. It's the one thing i really look forward to. Do you have an out let that treats and cares for you?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
