I am on a personal rollarcoaster right now. Up and then down two minutes later.
I just had a conversation with my husband about setting up our next session (because I just got my work schedual) and we talked about things a little clearer than last night (because it was a phone call and not by text message) and he agreed with everything I said and was really supportive. I basically just told him that I deserve to be chased wholeheartedly and that until he decides what he wants there is no way for him to chase me that way. He is the type of guy who is pretty laid back and passive until he finds something he really wants and then he will go after it 100% and I can't even remember the last time I felt like he was 100% into me. So I said that until that was the case I am not interested in getting things back together. We are still going to "date" and work on our relationship but that until we both want the marriage to work we are not going to go to counseling together. We might go to the session together week after next because it is our last "couples" session. He said he would think about whether or not he wants to go.
I do feel good about the decision and I think that focusing more and more on myself is what I need to do. However after the conversation I was starting to tear up a little because I just feel like I am going to lose him at the end of this. I know I should not think that way but it just kind of settled into my chest and I could not help it. I am going to pray for God's will to be done and that the next month or two will yield a lot of personal growth in both of us and that we can grow together.
I am going to hang in there and see this through no matter which direction the road ends up going.
Thanks ITH for the encouraging words. I always appreciate your advice.
