Sorry that this post is not the most positive or cheerful but it is all I have to offer at this point.
In fact I actually think you sound really strong and clear in this post, like you are completely thinking of your own needs, as you should be doing. I didn't realize that the two of you were so young (I don't mean any offense by that!). Actually knowing this makes you seem even more amazing and resolute. I am 33 and can barely keep it together. I absolutely don't think I would have had the emotional maturity at 22 that you do to be able to deal with this kind of situation, and fight for my marriage.
To be honest, I don't think that independent spirit and stability have to be in opposition though. I think it makes complete sense that a 22 year old man would want to feel independent. Is there not a way that he can feel independent while still being married to you? I hate to play the age card here, but this IS something that he will likely outgrow. If you are willing to wait around and let him get this out of his system, he is likely to want to spend less and less time out. Being independent does not have to mean getting drunk and going to strip clubs. Maybe it just means feeling like he can go out with th guys and that you will not get upset, watching sports or playing video games. This was a HUGE deal to H even though he only went out about once per month, and my inability to let him do things may have ruined a very good thing. I mean we are in our mid 30s and I was still trying to control him. I just didn't realize this.
I would also say that the more you give someone something, the less they will actually want it, in all likelihood. Even H said on our last call that "the more alone time he gets, the less he needs." Now he did not say this to me, but he said it to our coach.
I think you sound really mature in terms of making the decision to go ahead with the individual sessions. This may also be a bit of a 180, like what I tried to do with my H, even though you are completely genuine. It might make him think a bit more that if YOU are not going to fight for the marriage, like you always have been, then maybe he will need to, or at the very least maybe he needs to take a closer look at things.
You really do sound strong and together. I am sorry you're not feeling completely positive, but I think you are doing really well.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
