New month, new strategy

[istherehope]

Also want to add that this is the first time there has been no contact for 48 hours. I just feel like something is up. He didn't call me the night he said he would, didn't say anything about it the next day, and has not been online all day today. He may be flying back tonight, but he's still going darker and darker...

Trying not to worry, but this behavior is not normal for him, that's why I'm worried, even though I know I shouldn't focus so much on what he does. He is doing nothing to try and rebuild our friendship, even though it was what he said he wanted to do, in his own words. In fact I feel like he is trying to undermine it by making commitments that he doesn't keep, even when they are his own idea. I feel like everything positive that he has said to me has been meaningless, and as though he's always intended to push me away, just wanted to make it as easy on himself as possible.

I know this all sounds very negative, but please keep in mind that my H always said he was willing to try, and with each passing week, he is acting less and less like this is the case, even with my DBing.

I am actually starting to question what I should do when I get back. he is positioning for 6 months, and I just think he wants out. I don't know. Trying to feel more positive, just pretty disheartened by the last few days. I guess being in a foreign country is just getting to me, and then the thought of going back to another foreign country and putting a move back to the US on hold based on his own decision making process is pretty frustrating.

OK vent is over. I really hope tomorrow my PMA will be back up again. I have to think about Dublin. Even if I don't see H, I will see my dogs and cats!

ITH