Listen to fig and Barbie! Go dark. Don't call him to see how he is. Don't tell him what you are going to do. don't tell him what you are not going to do. Start getting a lifle for yourself. If you want to do something, figure out how to do it without him. In fact, MAKE yourself do something without him, that you would never have done before.
It's going to be hard for him to get used to the idea that you can be an individal, he is so used to controlling you. But it isn't healthy for you, or the marriage to go on like that. (It isn't working, right?) If he is willing to see it, he will wake up to see that a marriage of two people can add up to more than the sum of its parts, right now it is less, in fact it is probably less than either or its parts.
You can't help him to see this, really. You can't do anything to directly change his attitude. But, I think that as you change your attitude, he can see that he would be happier with a woman that he can respect than a doormat. And (this part might hurt), if he doesn't see that, I'd have to say that you might be better off without him.
As far as contested or not, talk to your L. Don't decide that based on emotion. That part of the "deal" is a business proposition. From what I've read in other sitches, control freak H's like to try to force their W's into uncontested D's so they can take advantage of them. So be very careful. I think that if the M is going to recover it really doesn't matter which path you are going down, it is a seperate issue.
(((((poet)))))
I'll try to stick around! Poke me with a stick if I seem to forget! Soemtimes I'm a bit ADD!
