Hello folks, I'm back. I haven't been here since 3/08 but I've made great progress with me. But, I will bring you up to speed on my sitch.
I am in need of some advice.
I found out about OW on Thanksgiving Day 2007 and H walked out on me and S19 & S16. H had been involved with OW since 3/05. I filed for legal separation in 4/08 to protect my share of stocks, accts., not be dragged into the debt he was racking up and to legally get C.S. and temporary alimony.
H had been helping OW build a house since summer 2007 (OW lives in another town 1 1/2 hrs away where H has an office he supervises). They have since moved into her home in 6/08. S19 lives with them to work because of legal debt (2 DWI's in 4 months time - H and OW are VERY heavy drinkers on a daily basis [OW also does speed but I don't know if H knows about that] and S19 being there concerns me) and lost his scholarship funding for college. He is supposed to move back with me and S16 at the end of the year.
S16 is very quiet and internal with his feelings. He hasn't gone to H & OW's since 7/6/08. He always makes excuses not to go. He doesn't see H much at all eventhough H can come to our town anytime he wants to spend time with S16 but he won't. H doesn't have to see him at our home, S16 has a car and could drive somewhere to meet him.
OW has 3 kids (13, 11 & 7) and H is either dropping them off or picking them up from daycare/school and he makes sure he's home for 4 pm for them. When our S's were that age, H was always working and missed out on their day to day activities. So, I believe, he is trying to recapture the time he missed with his S's with her kids.
H honestly believes our S's are handling things well and are fine with us getting a D. H made a comment the other day when I was telling him how well S16 was doing in football (was mentioned in a state wide football magazine) and his grades are very good (I had explained to S16 at the end of last school year what he needed to do grade wise this school year and next in order to be NCAA eligable so he's made that his goal.) that H believes S16 is doing good because of us getting a D that S16 isn't the old happy to lucky kid anymore. WHAT!!! Of course he's not happy go lucky - his parents are getting a D! I explained to H that S16 ONLY has control over the school portion of his life and he's put all of his energy into it and I wasn't going to continue this line of our conversation.
I met the OW 2 weeks ago at a business function for my recently deceased BIL's business. No one knew accept my SIL that I was going. I looked FANTASTIC!!! OW looked like the trashy person that she is. Shorts 2 sizes too small - they were up her butt and had a HUGE camel toe going on (she was the only female in shorts). She looked nasty. I was the better woman (of course) and when my SIL introduced us I shook her hand. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to throw her to the ground and stomp on her like the roach she is but I resisted. LOL H and OW were dancing like they were in a bar room (OW looked like she was giving lap dances to H and she was watching me the whole time to see if I'd noticed). My SIL was so mad at their inappropriate behavior at her dead husbands business function. H did look my direction a few times during the evening.
H keeps trying to justify his decision to leave me and be with OW. H won't speak to me or acknowledge my presence when we are in the same place. The night before the party I took his sister, niece and my SIL's SIL to S16 football game and H wouldn't come set by us nor did he say anything to me or acknowledge me. He also didn't speak one word to me the whole evening of the party. But, when we speak on the phone it's as if nothing is wrong. Why is this?
I found out last week that OW had a relationship with another man from 9/07 - 12/07. I spoke with the other man and he confirmed it and said he'd gotten rid of her because she was getting too clingy. He has a lot of money and that is what OW is after. My H makes a very good living and H is paying for everything. Her house, her new car, everything. He's currently in debt for over $35K. He's acquired this since 3/08. I also found out that OW had a $30K credit card debt that her ex didn't know about (she likes to keep up with the Jones') but he took a loan on his 401K and payed it off for her. Her ex also gave her $30K when they divorced (in addition to his monthy ss) to help get her going in a place to live but she moved in with her parents. Her dad has taken out a loan to pay off her older car, he's gone through about $100K in the past 2 yrs. since her D just giving her money, land to build her house, etc. OW is a habitual lier, she steals, does drugs and is an alcoholic. She was actually in AA before she met my H but H got her into drinking and the bar scene again. Don't get me wrong, I drink but not on a daily basis or in extreme excess.
I'm not sure what to do about all the info that I have on OW. I know in my heart that H would never believe me if I told him the truth about her. He is so wrapped up in her right now. But, I still love him and hate that she is using him and has done this to him.
I think he still loves me but he is a very prideful person and will NEVER admit to being wrong. H would stay with her because of her kids and he also is close to her dad. H's own dad died in 3/06 and his dad never had anything in common with H where as OW's dad does. I guess I'm doomed to lose him forever.
How can you get your H back if you only have occassional telephone conversations?
How can you get your H back if he won't acknowledge your presence and walks out of his way not to come near you?
What else can I do to get him back? I've GAL, gone dark, been a friend when he calls. What else can I do?
