My thought process on open communication is I was trying to let him know that no matter what has happened with us..if he wants his family enough..he could come home and work on it...
He knows this already. Any repeated mention of it is not only "pursuing," but will be perceived by him negatively as "PRESSURE." Just ask Sandi or WDID.
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So you think I am being too easy?
Not necessarily, and that's not my call. I believe you asked HOW you could be tougher, so I answered. In any event, I DO think you RESCUE too much (I do, too!), and I'm trying to get you not to do that. This is his mess, and he has to fix it.
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I dont think he is courageous enough to beg to come home and I am scared to lose any opportunity..
You don't need him to beg. You just need him to agree to leave OW and come and work at his marriage. If he's perceiving that you need him to beg, then set him straight that all you're looking for is his COMMITMENT and his EFFORT, and 100% no-contact. Remorse will come later (or maybe it won't -- it doesn't always).
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Go ahead..yell at me... I am scared..plain and simple...
I understand the fear completely, Sandy. Remember, I've been there. The trick is not to OPERATE based on the fear, but rather on what is RIGHT and on what WORKS. Own your fear, that's not a problem. Just don't use it to guide your actions and your decision-making.
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I can tell he is so confused and I want him to see I am the woman he fell in love with...
He knows who you are. Act with integrity, and strength, and certainly don't be an ass. But do NOT rescue him. Not only will it be ineffective, but he will actually perceive it as WEAK, which won't help you.
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So... as his morning commute usually starts any minute... I expect to hear from him.... no replies?
Until he agrees to no-contact with his girlfriend, and to recommit himself 100% to your marriage, I believe you should only reply if it pertains to the family or some urgent legal or financial matter. Any "How are you?"s should be ignored.
