Treese your h has a heavy burden to carry inside. He has no other choice but to act like it's all good or else what is he to do. Break down, he is trying to be strong, but I am sure his inner turmoil is great.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well...H showed up yesterday to pick up son cause I had to work the football game...yep showed up talking to OW on the phone...then when I left he just kind of put the phone on his lap while I told him a few things about son....I didn't cry....I just left.....wow....he really knows how to push my buttons....I have asked him several times not to talk to her around me or the kids....he obviously doesn't really give a crap what I think....
He came to the game with son and my friend who works with me can't even look at him and he knows it....it was very awkward...I don't know how he shows his face at my work....most of the people there know because my D16 goes there and she has shared with her friends.....very few though know about the child...H says he doesn't care what people think.....but he has no friends either....just his new ones.....
This whole thing is really getting to me....and I need to cross the line to go file.....do I have to file divorce or can I just freeze assets? anyone know?
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, You will need to speak to your lawyer about that. Is a legal separation recognized in your state? If you don't want to file for a divorce, ask your lawyer about a separation. Be sure to have it back dated to the date he actually stopped living in your residence (under one roof).
Yes, it's very difficult to have them come around while they are doing what they are doing and you know what? He, in his frame of mind at this time, really doesn't care what people think. However, if and ever wakes up, he will care. Right now, it's all about him and what makes him feel better. The new friends don't have the history that you do with him.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If my H is carrying such a burden inside then why did he tell me it's like a weight has been lifted from him....he feels so much better now....that hurt....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I think what he meant is that everyone knows about the child but he has to carry this with him: the child he never told anyone about, his cheating on you, the way he is treating all of you, his moving out, his ow--he has to carry this with him the rest of his life. He does know right from wrong but right now he is on a fast moving train and he cannot stop it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese I am not sure in what context your h made that statement, but if it was the revealing of the child of course that would be a huge burden off of him.
He no longer is carrying that secret around inside. He may not be proud of that secret, but it's now out in the open and can now be dealt with.
My h says too, he doesn't care what his family or anyone thinks of him. Of course they don't care right now on the surface, but deep down they do. They just are struggling with the day to day they can't even think beyond themselves.
I too would ask a lawyer about any legal questions you may have. You want information to make an informed decision.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Treese not sure if this will help but try to think of your h and walk in his shoes. He has been carrying around a secret inside of him for so long. Eating away at his insides and feeling horrible about himself that he did this to you, his kids, even ow.
I am sure he has struggled just looking at himself in the mirror and knowing the pain of his mistakes.
On the surface he may not act like above but you can almost guarantee that is what he was feeling. Especially if he has said a huge burden has been lifte.
Would you want to walk in your h's shoes?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I think this is why I am not kicking my H and giving him a piece of my mind.
He has told me he is living with this the rest of his life and he said it is not easy and not something to be proud of.
I just want to be the one who is not nagging, ror making demands of him right now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
