How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[faithisbelieving]

SD....I think you are in for a lot of hurt and I disagree entirely with your approach. Forgive me if I have a bat today, but, you'll never win her back with that approach.

but now I do see the light, and I know what life is like without you and without my family.

Oh...woe is me....

I told her I understand why she had to do this, and I think it has been very beneficial, because now I see what it takes to be a great father, and I want to be a great husband if you just let me. I realize that it could take years to repair the damage, but I am willing to put in the work.

Wha? How do you understand that divorcing you and getting a boyfriend..and approving of it..is better than communication and counselling, honesty and fidelity? You just told her it was OK to have a boyfriend and sex while you hang out. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I know she was crying during our conversation - either it was guilt or conflicting feelings. She was then downplaying the extent of her BF, but she still suggested I should date others - if nothing else then to build up my self esteem. She told me she does not want me wasting my life waiting for her.

Are you listening or using listening skills? She is not conflicted..she doesn't want to hurt you, feels tremendous guilt over what she did and shows near total INDIFFERENCE at the PRESENT time. She said you need help on your self-esteem. Is this true? She just told you she is seeing someone, punched out of the M..and you're telling her it's OK...you love her..miss her....

Do you honestly think that will bring her back? If the guy she is seeing if tough, studly, hunky, etc...how do you compare to that? Do you think she feels you are in touch with your emotions from a woman's standpoint?

she downplayed it again and said it is not that different. But I said that I wouldn't feel right dating because I am in love with my wife. I know you don't want to hear it, so that is why I have stopped telling you on a regular basis, but I do want you to know... deep down it my heart I love you.

SD....do you think she downplayed it because she just met a guy that stinks? Remember..about..the privacy...'don't come by here'? Or..did she not want to tell you to hurt your feelings...that she is on 'the high' again and having a great time.

SD...I am not going to quote anymore from above and I know you will not enjoy my posts from here on in, but, there is NO WAY that you will get her back this way...with this behavior....and the comments.

If one of the key principles would be to appear more attractive than OM...how did you fare with the above?

If pursuit,begging and groveling pushes them further away, how did you fare above?

There are OTHER MUCH BETTER APPROACHES to use..and still love your wife, want her back and be willing to forgive her if she wanted to come back.

I think you need to totally RETHINK things if you want a shot at this.

I care SD. I hope you see that above as such.
FIB