But when their brains are drunk on hormones, endorphins and everything else that goes with an affair, reasoning with them about what's right isn't going to be very effective I'm afraid. Because they really know what they're doing is wrong, they are just too euphoric to care. So while we're pandering, we're also employing strategies that may be more effective. Maybe.
Hoosier, I agree. It's the most effective strategy, for the most part. I'm just pointing out, that indeed, it's simply a strategy to get their attention in the hope that if they are attracted back, they will come to some form of realization, apology and re-invigoration of their conscience. They need their sanity back.
But their sanity depends on you remaining attractive. Or as we might say, you will have really changed.
And then, of course, you need to keep the home fires burning, forever.
If you look at the forums and chapter of the book entitled, "keeping the changes going" indicate, right or wrong, we will be on the performance treadmill for the rest of our marriage. Yes, marriage is work, but in essence what DB is saying is that it's not held together by a covenant or commitment, but a life-long, mutually satisfying game of "What have you done for me lately?"
I'm honestly wrestling with that at the moment.
I'm deeply hurt and have come to question the fundamental character and goodness of my wife. It's been 2.5 years. So what if I can GAL and attract her back? For how long? Do I want what I see?
