Out of curiosity, is having an affair out in the open different from a secret affair? She does a good job exposing it all herself. Is it harder to bust then affair that someone would want to remain secret?
This is a great question.
First, "yes," the dynamics are very different when the wayward's circle of influence (friends, family) know at least PART of what's going on. Some of the fantasy has been removed, and it's harder for the influencers to have the "shock value" in trying to persuade the wayward to give up the OM/OW and return to their marriage.
Is it harder to bust up? I'm not sure. I do know that this (potential for "spin", "damage control" and self-exposure) is why I'm not only in favor of exposure, but RE-exposure, and continued personal contact from the betrayed spouse to the wayward spouse's circle of influence.
Remember when President Reagan used to go AROUND the media, and talk directly to the American people? That's what a betrayed spouse needs to do. Do NOT let the person in an active affair "spin" what the relationship is, and isn't, to their friends and family. Even more importantly, don't let them spin YOUR stance on the marriage! YOU have to let people know that you are fighting for the marriage, and remain willing to work on it, and that your only insistence has been the very reasonable one that she end her affair.
