How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[SingleDad]

My Wife admitted to me last night that she has a Boyfriend...

She was under the false belief that I was seeing someone and when she questioned me about it, I told her that she hasn't told me about anything she is doing, so why should I tell you. After she told me the truth, I told her that I was not seeing anyone - she was pissed at me for lying to her. I said I never lied, I just let you believe what you wanted to believe.

Instead of flying off the handle with her admission, it ended up that we had a 30 minute heart to heart conversation - that we haven't had since the separation.

I dropped a lot of the DB principles. While I wasn't clingy or needy. I said in no uncertain terms that when I decided to marry you and have a child with you and start a family together, I would love you and stay with you for better or worse. I am so sorry that our last year was our worst. I am so sorry that you had to go to an attorney to file for a divorce for me to see the light, but now I do see the light, and I know what life is like without you and without my family. She admitted that she is very angry that it took such a drastic action for me to see the problems and want to do everything I can to be sure she is happy. I said I have learned a lot... she asked what... I said for onethat I know what you mean when you want me to listen to you; I was only hearing you, I wasn't listening.

I told her I understand why she had to do this, and I think it has been very beneficial, because now I see what it takes to be a great father, and I want to be a great husband if you just let me. I realize that it could take years to repair the damage, but I am willing to put in the work.

I told her that I miss my family and that It tears me apart that I do not get to see my daughter 4 days every week. My W admitted that she feels the same way that she doesn't get to see her daughter the 3 days a week that I have her.

I know she was crying during our conversation - either it was guilt or conflicting feelings. She was then downplaying the extent of her BF, but she still suggested I should date others - if nothing else then to build up my self esteem. She told me she does not want me wasting my life waiting for her.

I said that I am not. I said I know that you need time and space. I am sure you are enjoying your life - meeting someone new is usually quite exciting and can get caught up in the feelings with someone else... she downplayed it again and said it is not that different. But I said that I wouldn't feel right dating because I am in love with my wife. I know you don't want to hear it, so that is why I have stopped telling you on a regular basis, but I do want you to know... deep down it my heart I love you.

Surprisingly I am not too upset... I think because she truly knows how I feel, I was able to express myself - outside of the rollercoaster fo divorce. Even though she did not give me any indication of having hope... he fact that I could tell she was crying tells me that I tugged on some heart strings - maybe I brought her to a place where she is back to questioning her actions, when I am there wanting to love her the way she has always wanted it.

I guess the downside to this again is that she knows that I am waiting on the sidelines and she can have her fun and I will stil be waiting for her. Rather than having her have a doubt about how I am feeling, whether I have moved on or not, or questioning whether I have found someone better - she knows that I love her unconditionally.

I do not know If I have transgressed in the DB process - but somehow I feel better not hiding my true feelings.

I am sure it will hit me very soon - the reality of her having a boyfriend - and I will break down and start crying... But her admitting that the separation is hard on her too and that not having our daughter half of the time, her telling me she really cared about me and doesn't want to see me hurting, her downplaying the extent of the boyfriend - just gives me hope that all is not lost... and that time may heal our relationship.