Please help me to not give up............

[happycamper]

Hi Grant

Just to let you know that my 16th anniversary is also this month - the 19th! H is going on holiday on that day with his gf, he did ask me before he booked it if that was ok, and it was at the time, but now... it breaks my heart. I can't really mark it at all. So, I've decided to have a party for all the people who have supported me recently! (would invite you but it's girls only...!)

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling overwhelmed. I know what you mean about all the introspection, journalling, self-help books etc. I know I don't have to encourage you to continue to attend the meetings as I know you will. I think you bring a unique perspective to the others who are there and still with their partners. Also sharing your experience has been very beneficial for me, and I am very grateful to hear it. Just wanted to give you some encouragement.

My worry is that as soon as she sees that I am apparently comfortable with friendship, she will initiate THE talk about our future and D. That's what she said before. "I want to get to the point where we can be friends and talk about our future. If we decide to divorce then we will do it together to save any bitterness".

It's interesting that she wants you both to decide about divorcing together. I wonder if to push forward with the divorce talk now, when you so clearly do not want to divorce and therefore it would be her impetus, is not something she can face. She wants you to be friends, talk about divorce in a 'friendly' way, and then for you to be happy about her decision. I don't know, it just reminds me of the first thing H said to me - 'I'm not very happy with you but don't worry, because plently of people divorce and remain really good friends!'. She might feel completely different about you though if you were really good friends, and it just might turn the whole thing around.

The one benefit of being able to identify yourself as a co-addict or co-dependent, is you can apply the steps to your situation. Perhaps you can do a little step 1 work around your W? Having done all you can in your DB efforts, you recognise that you are powerless... does that work?

I'm only sorry I can't say anything more constructive. It's frustrating being here and having people give you such wonderful advice and support and then not really being able to post much in return...

Don't give up!