New month, new strategy

[istherehope]

(((Pisces))), (((Daisy))),

Thanks for your posts. Daisy, I sent that email about the joint sessions on Sunday, so it's been nearly a week now and he hasn't bitten, and I have no idea if it's even registered with him. We have had plenty of contact since then, and most of it pleasantries vs. business contact, but this just hasn't come up. I hate to bring it up again, so if he doesn't, I guess I will just send a followup on the day of the session and ask "are you on for tonight or would you like to postpone?" If he wants to postpone, I can do the session without him.

He still doesn't know I'm going to Dublin on Monday. I mean last week on that day that I panicked, the day of the scary email and call, I sent him an email telling him that those were the dates I was thinking, unless he was planning his trip to Prague soon, and then that I could choose different dates to watch the pets. Of course, no response. Then on the joint call last week, Jody said to plan the trip myself since it was for me, and to let H make the decision about contact while there; of course he liked this, as it put him in control of our contact. So, I've bought my tickets, but as I am going to need to stop by the house, I do need to let him know, even if he doesn't want to see me. This will give him the option not to be home. I am waiting for him to reach out to me on something else though before I send an unsolicited email as I don't like to break his days of silence... Yesterday he didn't contact me at all, so there is a decent chance that he will today. I guess my deadline for letting him know, in case I don't hear from him before, is Saturday, so that he has 2 days to think about it. I think this is only fair. I am not even sure if he is flying back from South Africa today, or what his schedule is like. This is weird too that I don't even know this.

Pisces, my H is now at the point where he seems to have a lot of guilt that he can't make me happy and doesn't feel like he can be a husband. I will try really hard to just validate his feelings and focus on positives, like things I have learned from him throughout this process to show that he does have something to give, even in his darkest hour. He has not said "ILYBNILWY", but he has come very close. I am pretty sure this is how he is feeling at the moment, so this is an added layer of complexity. Did your H ever say this or insinuate this? The truth is I have felt like this at points throughout the M, and I think if we're all honest, most of us have. I just don't know though after all of the effort he is going through to make himself feel better, if he will have the emotional energy to try and rebuild feelings. I hope that I can show him that it can be a nice process, and that it doesn't have to be emotionally draining...

Anyway, I will try not to think about this yet. I can't focus only on today yet, but I can focus on the weekend. I can make it through the weekend, and I'm really looking forward to being in Dublin for 2 days even if I don't see H! I will see my pets, will be in my house even if only for a few hours, and can get my hair done.

ITH