Hi very scared, so glad you responded b/c I was worried that you might not come back. It is important to keep posting on the bb. Also, go to other forums, read their posts and respond to them. If you want their advice, ask for it.
Saving face. Boy that is a tough one. That is exactly what the issue was with my H when I was about to leave him. He told me if I ever left....there would be no coming back. It was his pride talking. I think he would have eventually changed his mind, but it would have been very embarrasing for him. It depends on the "role" in the community or church or job....whatever, that I think puts this pressure of "saving face" on a person. However, you have certainly done the correct thing in refusing to discuss your personal MR with anyone. The less people that know anything, the better your chances are for her coping.
About the second year I was M, I tried to leave my H for about a week (long story) and it could have become very hard and embarrasing for me to face people simply b/c of them asking questions. I just wanted it over with......for everyone to find out and get it over with. However, it didn't quite work out that way. His relatives all knew, though, and that was bad enough. Right away, he had me to go with him to a family function and I was pleading with him not to make me do that b/c I felt so self conscious. However, he was immature and he didn't realize what he was putting me through.
I haven't answered your question. Just shared some of my own thoughts. Again, I think it depends on her "reason" for wanting to save face. Who is she embarrased to find out about her decision to change her mind?
It's kind of like Dr. Phil says, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Then the Bible has a verse of scripture that puts stubborness in the same verse as withcraft.....man, that will make you stop and think about the seriousness of it. The number one sin that God hates above all else is pride, which of course is the same thing as saving face.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
