Hi, I know you were journaling your thoughts, but I was just going to respond to a couple of things b/c I think you are doing super great and don't want you to cave in. First, it is only normal to feel a let down.....especially after we seem to have a little victory. That is just the way life is. Especially in M problems there is the ups and downs. Today, you are feeling the down side and you will have more....and you are realistic enough about it to realize that.
You are doing the right thing to find something to keep yourself busy while she and the boys are doing something special. Go somewhere special yourself. Be with friends, but don't sit home alone. Okay?
In responding to her asking if you knew what being S was all about......what if you were to say, "Yes, I understand that, but can't we stay on friendly terms?" I was first going to say, "can't we still be friends?" However, that may place pressure on her and she would see it as pursuing. By saying that you want to stay on friendly terms.....she can see that in different ways. How do you think she would react to that? Even if she looked at it as staying on friendly terms during D proceedures.....it would still leave a door open for you. I believe that is how you are going to have to reach her and to draw her back to you again is through the "friendship" route. Anything else will make her resist you more. You have to win her trust in you as her friend, first. She has to be relaxed about that before anything else can develop. Some men do not understand that concept and say, "I can't be just a friend with my wife!" They are not seeing the entire picture, but I think you do. This is the "route" you take to reach her.
Sounds like you are a romantic about wedding anniversaries and the 20th one at that....wow! That's got to hurt. My suggestion is no flowers at all. She would see it as pursuing and not acting "separated". But, I would find a nice card.....nothing mushy and romantic about how great your love is, etc. It's kind of hard to find one that fits the stitch. Maybe you could find one about how she will always be your best friend! But,anyway, you have let her know that you did not forget it, (thereby being an a$$ in her eyes...to accuse you about) and yet it puts no pressure on her. You said someting about a "text"......are you going to be away from home during that time? If so, then you might just send a light text and keep it friendly telling her that you hope she had a good day and got your card. Keep it short and simple and expect nothing from her. That way, you won't set yourself up for disappointment. That is one of the major problems the LBS have.....they set themselves up for disappointments b/c they are clinging to some type of expectations from their WAS. It is very hard to send any email etc. without sounding........clingy or pursuing.
Well, let us know what happens. You know, I hope, that you can come here to let out your frustrations to us at any time. We are here for you, Grant. Please take care of youself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
