Tipper, this may sound harsh so I apologize in advance.
It is one thing for him to go to bars and be away from you. It is another thing to get repeated DWIs. That is not simply disrespectful of you. It is criminal.
This is a serious problem; no parent, no thoughtful person can condone or accept this. MLC or not, DWI is illegal and dangerous. 0.22 is not ok to drive. It imperils innocent people. You wanna get drunk? fine. Wanna get high? fine. Just don't go endangering innocents by jumping into a car.
There is no way the police should have let him go. I have compassion for people in MLC, or people with any problems, but none of them get a pass on drunk driving.
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There are many people who are alcoholics and are in happy marriages. Their signifigant other doesnt always have to leave them due to there drinking. That is why there are things like Alanon. I have had many suggest it to me, but for some reason I just havent tried it yet. I guess I feel like it wont help.
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If I were being hurt or if he was treating me badly or meanly then I think I would have to change my mind, and completely let go. But he has never been cruel to me or abusive to me. Its just that he abuses alcohol and that means he is often at the bars and away from me.
I am a non expert, but it seems to me that yours is classic enabling behavior. You are making excuses for him.
I'm not telling you to give up on him. I'm exhorting you to not accept his behavior, and to stop making excuses for him. Alanon has good advice for how to support him (and it is definitely not by making excuses). Lots of people have recommended Alanon. So go, already.
