We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[native]

"don't use me as an excuse again, I would have let you before, but I am not going to let you do it again. You can't just think that because I still want to be with you, I will do whatever you want. It's not going to happen anymore"

I think thats about the jist of it. Any ideas on the wording? and is it something that I should say in person, no matter how hard it is?"

I don't know. On the surface, your response sounds like you are feeling hurt. How do you think she will respond to that ? I know you are drawing a line in the sand, but I think she will feel tempted to cross it just to defy you.

I would personally try to avoid ultimatums. In any case, what can you possibly do about it if she does it again ? You can't really stop her can you ?

It might be a bit more effective to share with her how her actions feel to you, that is, if she still cares about your feelings right now.

"I need to tell her off aswell."

Again, do you think this will get you closer to your ultimate stated goal, reconcilliation ?

Sounds like you are hurt and angry, which is normal in this situation, but be careful what you do with those feelings...you might make things worse.

Try to absorb it. You don't have to like her behavior, but you need to control your responses if you don't want to push her further away.

My W had a series of best friends that took a lot of her time away from me and our D, who also were confidants to her marital unhappiness. I was only vaguely aware that 'something' was wrong, just a sense, but nothing overt. She was likely spilling her guts about how miserable she was to these girlfriends, and they were commiserating, which may be what the EA guy does for her. I sensed a betrayal in terms of her choice to spend all her time with these friends and away from me and D.

Now that the seperation has occured, several of these friends have dropped by the wayside.

But I bet the moment you talk bad about any of the friends she is presently choosing, she will only be defensive about it.

Sounds like a lot has happened between you two lately. I'm sorry that things are not easy right now.

Detaching/going dark may be good for now. I think you need to step back for a moment and realize that for now, your W has been abducted by aliens and the person you are speaking to is from another planet.

The only chance of seeing your W again is to not piss off the aliens.

Of course, I could be all wrong. If this confrontational behaviour is a 180 for you, it might work.

So, has this approach worked for you in the past ?

I'm gonna send up a prayer for you after I sign off.