I am feeling a little better now. I think I just needed to vent and get it out there. I guess I got ahead of myself and those darned expectations started creeping in again. I know where I made my mistakes and I have learned from them. I hope things will go better next time. At least I know that things went well last night and this morning. He was very sweet as he left. I guess I just see a lot of things that need to be resolved in order for this to be put back together again and sometimes I doubt it can ever be fixed. So much of it remains on him, he has a lot of growing up to do and I wish I could hurry him along but he is going to have to make that decision on his own. I just hope I can hang in there until he does.
We are going to continue counseling and see what happens there. I just hope we can start digging in and doing some real problem solving (like how to have a dissagreement without it turning into a fight) I think part of the reason I am in such a hurry to move back in together is simply because I want to live on my own again. My parents and I get along and everything but it just feels a little like going backwards. I need to refocus my attention on my own life and really start turning things around for myself and let everything with my hubby play itself out. If we end up together I will be a better person and we will have a better relationship and if we end up divorcing at least I will know that I did everything I could and that I would be ready to learn from the past and move into a new relationship a little wiser.
