So I hadn't heard from H since Friday when he dropped off the pills...so by today I was actually getting very anxious and nervous because it was 5 days without contact. Then at work the phone goes off.....and it's a text from H!! Wooo Hooo!!! Just random, hey haven't gotten any texts/pics from you lately inquiry. Which means he was thinking about me...Yeay!!!
I just hate when i get discouraged and don't hear from him and battle with myself to stay dark. I'm glad that he wrote first. I know we are no where near a reconciliation yet but just knowing that I am still on his mind give me hope to keep fighting.
I don't know what hit me today! I couldn't stop crying all morning I went out for a bit to get some fresh air since it's a beautiful day here and on the way back I was just filled with so much anger and resentment that I started crying all over again.
My H up and left got his new apartment and is not responsible for anything here. I am left to care for all the bills that were left behind and I am falling deeper and deeper into debt. I am going to be starting a part time job next week but even with that I am so scared of how I am going to make it. Yet he is just out and about with out a care in the world.
He claims all the time that he is going to help out but I have yet to see a penny and he cries how is always broke. He has no sense of money mangement and his priorities are messed up. Grrrrr!!!!
Sorry I just had to vent. It seems to be working as the tears are slowing down. There is no point in even bringing it up to him anymore because he only says what he thinks I want to hear but then never stands by his word. I just hate being like this as I have always been financially secure and worrying about being able to come up with the full rent amount next month because of all the debt scares that mess out of me.
Sorry you are feeling sad. I hate it when life seems to hit all at once. As if you were not stressed already now you have to figure out your finances. I get so stressed about money. You just have to be extra careful not to let your frustrations creep into your relationship with you husband. I did that when my husband and I first separated and it only drove us further apart. You have to learn to be cordial and get things sorted out.
I can know how hurtful it must be to see him walking around seemingly alright but you have to know that he isn't. These WAHs of ours seem like they have it all together but inside they are hurting. Yours may not admit to it now but give him time and he will. My husband has only recently started talking about how hard this is on him even though when we first split he acted like he was on cloud 9. Grr!
Keep venting here, it will help you not vent to him.
Hi Daisy! Thanks for the encouragement. I know I have vowed not to mention my financial situation to him anymore unless he asks specific questions. And even then I will do my best to be very nonchalant about it.
I know that he does hurt and miss me at times too but he just wants everyone to believe is "doing great". He has admitted to me in a text that "at times" he misses me and I know finacially he is not doing good either. It's just so frustrating now!! LoL. I will keep my venting to only cyber venting here!!
I think it's very common for the WAS to put an a charade for others. Mine was good at it for a while lol. I realized that he really hadn't moved on like he said he had and that his evening aren't filled with parties and social events.
I think that even if he misses you "at times" it's better than NOT missing you. I bet he even misses you a lot more than you think. I was shocked when my xh told me a while ago that he was lonely...WTF I thought he had a great life.
Rant away..we are all here to talk you down just like you all did for me a while back
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks Daisy & Jen. Yeah I know even though "at times" it is good that he misses me period. I'm sure that he is not doing as great as he portrays.
If only he would hurry up realize this and decide to try to pice our marriage together. Oh well.....still have a long bumpy ride ahead. Again thanks for letting me vent!!
I am feeling much better today. I think I was VERY Overemotional yesterday. I think I will be ok with the finances. I was able to obtain a small loan that will pay off the pestering debt and leave open funds for all the other bills I was stressing about. Phheewwww!!
H texed me today asking me if I had one of his CDs....hmmmm...I'd like to think that he already knows that I don't have it and was just making a reason to chat. Well he texted that while I was at work....which he knew and I told him I'll look when I get home....I've been home about 2 hours now but I think I'll wait a little while more before I texted him back
I know we are no where near a reconciliation yet but just knowing that I am still on his mind give me hope to keep fighting.
