BrokenHearted, Thank you so much for offering that advice.
I really thought that my goals were so unnatainable, but you showed me otherwise. I am realizing that I need to break it into more baby steps and then I may feel better about little bits of progress, instead of feeling scared that he will never want to live with me again.
I guess that I can break that goal down into: My H will spend the night at least 5 nights a week. Right now it is about 4 nights allready that he stays here. But I would feel better if it were to turn into at least 5.
He also just got a hot tub for exchange for a job he did. He asked me if I would like to put it at my place. I said of course. We have wanted one for a long time. And we ironically almost bought one at the state fair a few days ago, but decided to wait. So I was thrilled that he is willing to put it here, since that means he must envision being here more often and maybe even long term.
The family/friends goal is getting better too. He has commited to bowling with my friends & family on a league we have been on for several years together in the past. This means every other weekend he will be around my folks and hopefully he will start to reconnect with them and vice versa.
I really like your advice on the drinking goal. So now I will make it my focus. To try and entice my H to not go out for one night and instead do something with me. Sometimes we do this allready. But the other 4 nights during the week he is often at the bars. Maybe in time I can up this goal into : H will do something with me 2 times on the weeknights instead of going to the bars.
This week has been good. He spent all saturday at our friends house gathering with me, all sunday at the fair with me, all monday golfing with me, on tuesday I went and watched his band play and he told me he was not going to stay and get wasted that night, and then wednesday he spent here watching movies with me. Tonight he said he wants to go out to trivia night with me. So that is some good progress.
I guess I need to stay focused on these little steps so that the outcome goal doesnt seem so daunting and far away.
I cant thank you enough for this piece of advice. I feel better allready. TIPPER
