Hey Summer, Did Erin post all this information somewhere? I sure don't understand why she rejected him if he did want to come back. I also respect her decision to remain single, as long as he didn't really want to come back. Otherwise, she would be enabling him to commit adultery by marrying or continuing to be with his HS sweetheart.
Hey nlt, Thanks for stopping by. I hope you are hanging in there. I am on vacation this week, but am finding so many things to do just at home!!! Am really enjoying taking the time doing things, instead of madly rushing about.
Really enjoying the FlyLady program and reading Erin's book and praying and reading scripture.
Yes, she posted the story in different ways on her old site. In her weekly letters etc. and dicussed it on her videos. I don't know if that info is still up or not -- as the old site is being discontinued.
My take on it is -- that in no way, shape or form did Dan ever want to restore the marriage the 2nd time. He was "in love" with his old HS sweetheart and that was that.
I think the most that happened is that Dan was shocked -- poor baby -- that this time around -- Erin wasn't falling apart and pleading and begging him to come back. His ego took quite a bruising!
So when she chose not to stand in his way of leaving -- this really bothered him -- and to a degree he started to pursue her hoping to get her to start pursuing him again. PURE EGO. Not b/c he wanted to restore the marriage -- but only b/c his ego needed her to be desperate and begging him to come back.
From what I understand, Erin was just at peace this time and didn't feel desperate like the 1st time and just decided that whatever God's will was would unfold.
She did NOT refuse a restoration. She simply didn't actively seek one. There is a difference. And, Erin often discusses how she truly is at peace and is happier with God as her husband.
Otherwise, she would be enabling him to commit adultery by marrying or continuing to be with his HS sweetheart.
I think that is a fallacious conclusion.
No one but the person themselves -- who is the one CHOOSING to commit adultery is to blame for their adultery.
No matter what the circumstances -- there is never ANY excuse to commit adultery.
There may be reasons why someone becomes tempted -- but they themselves -- and no one else -- are the reason why they do or do not ACT on their feelings.
I am sure that many people are probably tempted to commit adultery -- but honorable people simply do NOT choose to follow through.
I think that is part of why society is so accepting of it b/c people make all kinds of excuses for people who are adulterers.
Even if Erin or anyone else chooses not to restore their marriage -- the other spouse always has the choice to remain in singleness -- rather than choosing to continue to be or to become an adulterer.
It is always about personal ethics and NOT situational ethics.
Jesus did not advocate "tough love." Instead, we are taught to offer unconditional love to others.
And yes, it is often very difficult to do when our H is being anything but loving to us.
But that is OUR test!
We must learn to do as the Lord asks -- even or especially when it is a struggle to do so. That is how we grow in faith.
As the passage below says, it is EASY to love the lovable!
It is our ability to offer love when it is difficult to do so -- that is our true demonstration of us LIVING OUR FAITH.
"You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?
Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you salute only your brethren, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Thank you! I dont like the tough love really. I find it very hard to do, guess that is why it is tough. I find it much more easy to love him unconditionally, it just hurts more when I dont get it in return. I guess I will keep taking it one day at a time like i have been doing and see where God takes me. I do want my marriage to be restored, but I think the more important thing is that my H find God and get his heart right.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I do agree with your response to Summer about adultery. I think the bible is very clear on this subject, very black and white, you can't mistake it. As my counselor says and I would agree, people have a way of taken their situation, reading what the bible says and then twisting and turning what it says to get the outcome they want to justify what they are doing so that they won't have any guilt or feel wrong for what they are doing. It is very clear and doesn't matter how much a person tries to justify in their own way the what they are doing, THEY WILL STILL ANSWER FOR IT, adultery is adultery. People may convince the themselves in some way, but they will never convince God, this the will ultimately find out.
My H told me that he had prayed about things and he felt God was telling him it was ok to leave me because he needed to be happy. I think that may have been the only time he has prayed on his own.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Everyone makes choices. It's true that Dan can also remain single. God also says in His Word that wives should not withhold intimacy from their Hs. I guess I was saying that if she refused to take him back, it is easier for him to commit adultery.
My H told me that he had prayed about things and he felt God was telling him it was ok to leave me because he needed to be happy. I think that may have been the only time he has prayed on his own.
Hmm, doesn't sound too Biblical to me. Did he hear what he wanted to hear?
