JWS, I found an analogy in the Code of Conduct. With respect to resistance to interrogation, the Code recognizes that we are not superhuman and we may break. I feel like I've been operating under the old code which had no such understanding. I've reached the breaking point, so, yes, I am giving myself permission to if necessary ease the pain and the hurt enough to continue pursuing my main goal which is and has always been to build a wonderful relationship with the mother of my children.
HTTE, the ability to make the best decision possible, I like that and I have. It may be that I do nothing, sometime knowing you have a way out is enough. However, I'm no longer going to beat myself up if I do take my escape option and I reserve the right to decide on a moment by moment basis whether to exercise that option or not.
I've resisted as long as I can. I've hung in there as long as I can. I'm not perfect or perfectly strong, I'm doing the best that I can.
Which is the higher goal? Is it better to remain completely faithful and be forced to end the marriage or is it better to relax the boundaries of the marriage in an attempt to save it?
This has been my struggle and I've tentatively made a choice.
