You're right--I do tend to be very up and down--powerful and then pitiful. I have never once begged or pleaded with H, though--no way. I showed him my anger and pain, yes.
Here's the thing: I don't really want my M with H back at this point. I am not standing for my marriage anymore, really. I miss what we once had and it still hurts to have heard him say IDLYA, but I want to move FORWARD without him. Seeing him everyday is not, for me, any kind of opportunity to save my M at this point. It's just kind of annoying. Because for me, either we're M and a family of four or we're S--and if it's the latter, then I don't want to see him daily.
I don't mean to get defensive--but I do tend to come here and vent at my lowest points. I mostly have very active, GALish days. I am throwing myself a 45th bday party at the end of the month. I still get miserable and down at times too.
I agree with the DB principles, and I know that many people here reunite with their spouses. I think most don't and, for me, it's better to face that truth at this point and move on.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
