I totally understand your anger at her parents and others enabling her. My h's parents totally enable him. He is at this very moment living in a VERY expensive luxury flat in the middle of London rent free and 10 mins from his work. He has his washing done for him and they provide him with a cleaner!! I often think that why, with all that, would he want to come back to our house which requires a fair amount of maintenance and cleaning and is an hour and half commute from work. Life should be perfect from them right? But do they act like life is perfect? My h doesn't and your wife isn't displaying signs of blissful happiness.
The situation makes me very angry but, and this is the but, he is not happy and from what I can see your wife is not happy either. You know why, they don't have us anymore and have to live with the guilt that they left. That is quite a big burden for them to carry.
So, understanding that went a big way in letting go of some of my resentment towards him (although I admit no so much of his parents ooh, I'm getting cross now - taking a deep therapeutic breath!). However they aren't important and I just try to remember that these feelings aren't important to my end goal. There is nothing I can do about that situation (they aren't going to chuck him out) so I just have to realise that I can't control it so focus on the things I can control.
Ok, so she has her lease. That is a fact; it is an upsetting fact but nevertheless a fact. You can't do anything about that. I think we all know that we are in it for the long haul. Turn it around and look at it as a positive that even though you are in this less than ideal situation at least your kids have somewhere stable to go when they are with mum and when they are with dad.
If I were approaching your situation (and please feel free to disregard as this is JMO) I would start with that fact that you both misunderstand each other. What can you do to change that? Start small; what small things can you change in your interactions to come to a consensus (because there is something very satisfying about coming to a consensus!). Once you start doing these small things you may start to build up respect for each other and your differing opinions again.
How do you think your wife views you at the moment?
