OW visiting in October

[Hope4us]

Hopeful. I've never posted to you before, but I've been lurking over in Newcomers and always read your posts to try to get an idea where my W's head is although I haven't read the beginnings of your sitch.

I hope you don't take this wrong, but from my LBS perspective and male point of view, I'm not sure what you can do. I can tell you that in my sitch, I'm rapidly to the point of being the WAS just like your sitch. And I can say that I feel like my W has given up her right to have any say in what I do. It wasn't this way until a few months ago. I dealt with her affair and her rubbing it in my nose for so long, all the while blaming me for HER having the affair that I have just got to the point where she will have to accept a whole lot more for this marriage to have a chance than she would have just a couple months ago. And if that means it's not her, then she can only look in the mirror to see why. I've repeatedly accepted my portion of the blame for where our marriage was prior to her affair, but if she won't let go of her justifications, I'm letting go of her.

I know that doesn't help you and I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. I hope it wasn't too harsh. But again, at this point, I'm not sure what you can do other than wait it out, become the best "you" you can be and see what happens. If she's young, it won't last. That I would guarantee.

The sad part of all of this, IMHO, is just what has happened to you. I personally know of 3 other guys who's wife's walked, came back to them a certain period later, but by then it was too late for them. And now they're divorced, remarried, happier than ever and 2 of the 3's ex's are alone. The third ended up marrying the OM and he's now been cheating on her for a number of years. I can't remember if an OM is involved in your sitch originally or if you were a true WAW without an OM, but I can tell you that the pain we go through as an LBS (which I'm sure you feel now) is so great that at some point we just give up because we don't want to deal with it anymore.

Sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for. Maybe some others can help with more constructive advise. Maybe my sitch is just a little too close to your sitch that I can't help anymore.

I do feel for you. Completely understand what you're feeling.