I haven't posted to you before and you may think it is a bit random that I do now as I see you have been here for quite a while but your last post interested me so I caught up (as much as possible as you have lots of threads!!) on your situation. I just wanted to share with you one thing that worked for me that you may or may not find helpful in your situation.
Pretty much for the first few weeks of DBing my only interactions with my husband were through text and before discovering DBing my texts only succeeded in winding him up possibly antagonising him and vice versa. I realised that was because we didn't have any empathy for the others wants or needs and were working to our own agenda or needs. It wasn't either of our faults we just had come to a point where we misunderstood each other so much we took everything the wrong way and probably quite personally, I know for sure I did at least.
The thing that changed that for me and brought us from smashing our heads together to collaboration and being able to come up with solutions together was a) me choosing the battles I wanted to fight and b) checking my texts before I sent them - often writing them and coming back to them in 2 hours and re-reasing. Posting my texts here before I sent them also helped so I could get advice on wording and clarity.
There were two effects. It cut the number of texts I was sending my h dramatically so as to give him a bit of headspace (I see you know what it is like to feel bombarded) and also my texts were less loaded and emotive so didn't bring out a negative response in him. It took time and perseverance but it really paid off for me and reduced my stress levels too.
Michelle says that changing your actions has an effect on your partners actions. I really have seen this work in practice. It also has given me so much personal strength and power to do this and I also regained the dignity I felt I had lost this past year. The main end product has been it has helped me to reconnect with my husband and that is what I have been trying to do for a year now. That was the first time that I saw any results.
