For the Guy with Kids and a WW 11

[hopeful4her]

I've had discussions, obviously before she moved out. Maybe two since. The last R discussion we sort of had was when the girls and I confronted her about having OM around the girls.

Last October, when I had the 'marriage in a box' conversation, I gave my ring to her.

"Here. Take my ring. If we don't make it, then I don't want it. If, someday, I ever get it back, then I'll know what that will mean."

She had stopped wearing hers about 2 months prior.

Yesterday was a terrible day at work. Service issues like crazy. New guy starting, asking questions...I was frazzled. I had to call D11 because she didn't call me afterschool like she usually does.

I stayed late at work for some calls. On the way home, I called S14 to see if I was picking him up. D11 answers his phone. She asks him, but he is outside playing with some kids.
"He says he'll go over when we go over. He's playing with some kids outside. They're chasing him around."

I talk to D11 a little more. She is distracted by the tv. She asks if I was feeling alone. I tell her I'm ok.

But I was upset. I go rent another video. Tuesday night I watched "Never Back Down". It was good, but last night I needed something funny. "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle". It was stupid, but funny. I was kind of out of it.

This morning I am on my way in to work early. I call D11, but she didn't answer. I call the wifes phone and D11 answers it. They are getting ready and eating breakfast. I tell her I love her and to have a great day. Next, D6. She is quiet. She still sounds a little under the weather and distracted by the tv, too. Love and hugs and kisses over the phone I ask to speak to her mom.

"Hello." She sounds just as distracted.
"Good morning. I just wanted to see how Juli is doing."
"She's ok. She's grumpy this morning."

Allergies. Something blew in. I tell her me too. All last week. We talk about the meds she is giving her, but she is fine. I ask about S14. Still asleep for another 5 minutes. I say okay.

"Okay, well then...."
She is going to cut ME off?
"Allright, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye"

Just after, I give a loud "HEY"
"yeah?"
"Did you get the email I sent to you on Tuesday?"
"Uhhhh...." She stalls for a few seconds. "The one about canceling the insurance?"
"Yes"
"Go ahead and cancel it."
"Too late. I had to cancel it that day."
"Just tell them you changed your mind."
"I can tell them, but the payment is going to either hit today or tomorrow."
We start to talk at the same time. I cut her off. Now I'm pissed. I don't even want to hear what she is trying to say.
"I'll talk to you later."
She pauses.
"K"

I am VERY F'ing upset. I told ya'll that I was going to expect the worst case scenario with her. She got the email, but just decided to ignore it. I KNEW IT!

I SICK of always being the one to put myself out there. NOTHING in return. I AM going to do what the hell I want. She offers me nothing. I get nothing. That's what she chose. That's what she will get from me.

I was only thinking of myself these past couple weeks. Then I put some thoughts to her.

And for what? For jack sh*t. That's what.

She is gone.

And right now, so am I.